im just a superbug on the 

purple portion of the monkey

bars

in the animal kingdom

you can't laugh

but plot

and if you're too eager

or unknowing,

the swift motion of kings-

and their acquiescence

is uncanny

 

Maybe I can come back wiser from this.

Maybe I can be something else.

I've dried out ever facility that makes a decent human being.

What am i supposed to take from this?

That I'm kapoot.  I'm lesser and defunct.  I function on a plain that burns like an acid over false hope.  

Saliva drips from my lips

 while i gaze at a sky

that's grown jaded,

like the moon disgusted,

like faith shattered in the kitchen

into pieces

like the shrieking

of your mother

or your brain

diminishing, 

becoming everything

-Hey all, welcome to the Eatkhash show.  We're gonna open it up a little late tonight--or early.  Depending on how you see it.  With us, we have Lisa Robbins, from the Morning Show.  Hey, Lisa.

-Hello, Eatkhash, and hello All!  It's GREAT to be here this MorNING!

-(aside)Cut it out, Lisa.  It's just the three of us.  It's still dark.  Don't be so loud.  

-(aside) Oh, okay.  Sorry, I thought this was for the east coast.

-(aside) Yea, sorry, me too.  We're not on the east coast yet.    We got bumped off the morning, and we're in the middle here--as it were.

-(aside) Why, what happened?  

-(Aside, pointing) That's my EP.  Ran his mouth off during a meeting.  Eh--he's a good guy, but he got drunk during brunch.

-(Aside). Champagne and orange juice?  When are people going to learn?  Brunch is an idea, not really something tangible.    I never thought people went through, "brunch."

-(Aside) Oh yea, he went through it: in between breakfast and lunch.  Stuffed a pint of vodka in a bathroom stall.  By 2PM he was knocked out on Haliburton's carpet.  By 4, he didn't want to get up and go home: "Yea, I'll fuck ya, Mary!"  He kept arguing with someone in his sleep.

-(Aside). Who's Mary?

-(Aside) I don't know.  Who knows?

-(Aside)  He looks like he drinks a lot--

-(aside)Oh, that's just his face; he's got a fat, red face

-(Aside)-There he goes!  Was that him?

-(Aside) Was he drinking? 

-(Aside)  Yea, I think so.  Ah!  There he goes:  there goes the drumset.

-(Aside, to EP's aid) Hey...?

-(His EP, looking up, drumstick in his right nostril) This bitch is turning it into a sideshow gag.  You fucked up somewhere, prolly early, I'm guessing.
-(eatkhash to radio mic) Right back, guys...

Commercial

-(Levinstein) Spring Water, No minerals, no vitamins.  International Brotha Love drinks it--So why don't you?  Guys, I'm pretty sure you lost the audience.

-What it is, baby?  What it is?  It's the Eatkhash show, sponsored by Duncan's Toy Chest, "Five floors of cash!"  Tonight, who we got?

-It's Eatkhash, baby.

-It's him, himself.  What you got for us tonight?

-Faaaaaaak!  What part of tonight did I skip out on?  But no, listen, here see--I'm not into none of that...now!...no, see!  I'm into Spring Water!  That's what's on my mind, like sparklets free of minerals, drifting down my mind, into my head like energy juices!

-We'll be right back.  Spring Water, straight from the source...

The fat kid and the skinny kid at a schoolyard fight

-(fat kid) Well I guess, when it comes down to it, if it goes down, then it just goes down.

-(skinny kid)What do you mean, like if it up and goes down, like goes down?

-(fat kid) Yea, if it goes down, then there's no way but down man!

-(skinny kid) Yea..

-(the cooler kids): Hey, it's Team Hotdog!

J. Levinstein opens up a management agency in Glendale

-Look--what's your name?

-Tadei.

-Tadea, I think there's certain body parts of a man that is seen as unmanly to shave: namely, your legs, your chest--and to a lesser degree, your back and your shoulders.  Your face?  That's a canvas.  But your eyebrows?  Well, there's a certain touchiness in its aesthetic quality.

- So you think I should shave it? I'll do it bro!

-I don't know yet, I'm still debating....look, if a guy drives a brand new Matserati convertible, but you get hit by one of those bushes watching it pass by....I don't know.  Now, that Matserati?

-It's in my wife's father's name.

-That's not what I meant.  

-Well if they find out I lasered my eyebrows, they couldn't take the Masterati.

- Yea, but look.  That's not what I meant.

- But what, Lov?

- ...I don't know, but for now let's just try to get you in the club scene with those eyebrows.  Heck, maybe it could be your thing, like that guy with curly hair?

-Hello, welcome to Diana Speaks Her Mind.   Now we all know that this used to be the Lisa Robbins Show--of course, till she had a misunderstanding...with her NA sponsor!  

(audience laughs)

But no, seriously, girls, it is our show now!  Back then, God Bless Her, it was her show.  But it is our show,  it is our show now!  Let's wish her all the best and that she doesn't one day sleep on her back on choke on her own vomit.
(audience laughs)

Today we have a fascinating show--and as a preventive measure, my producers asked me to disclose that only white women were allowed to participate on this segment,  as a request by our guest, International Brotha Love!

i'm at the beach

there are late night drum circles

im at the sun

it is hotter than you can imagine

im in space

im floating gently away

there i go

oh no

i can't find my spaceship

-Sir, we gouged his eyes out, like you said.
-What do you mean, "Gouged his eyes?"
-We gouged them out.  We took 'em out.
-They're gone?
-Both of them.
-Let me ask you something: Are you a seeing eye-dog?
-(laughs) No...why?
-How the fuck is he going to get my sandwich money if he can't see!
-But, Boss, you said--
-I meant threaten him!  You took the poor guy's eyes out.
-Oh, jeez, Boss...when you say it like that...

-Where is the money for the sandwiches!  Rat bastard.
-Fat Bastard.  His name is Fat Bastard.
-Fat Bastard.  Whatever!

-Fat Bastard, he's eating more sandwiches than he's selling.
-That's why he can't pay us.

-And check his wallets, too.

-Uh, sir?  He's only got one wallet.

-Well then, check that one.  I'm working with idiots.  And where the fuck is Jimmy?  Has anyone seen Jimmy the Bitch?
- (Eatkhash from Boston) Have you checked the baaaaars?

Flushing the public toilet after some inconsiderate prick

-Jeez, this guy's really dehydrated.

A Pimp Treating His Hookers to Chinese food

-Girl, you better get in on that Egg Flower soup.

maybe a beer will set me straight....hey, where are my feet gloves?   And where the fuck is my money

-People move on.
-Fuckin Darwinians!

-Your handwriting has become sloppy.
-My handwriting's always been sloppy.
-Well then, your spelling!  Say it with me now:

The Rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

-The Rain in Spain falls slowly out of rain.
-The Rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
-The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
-The Rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
-The Rain in rain falls slowly out of Maine.
- Okay, let's try a different one:

How Now Brown Cow.

Sometimes when I fluff my pillow, it's like a trigger.  I'm reminded of the times when I didn't have to go to sleep, because there's something better we can do, all night.

And sometimes when I fluff my pillow, I know I don't have to be afraid to fall asleep, or try to sleep

- (pointing). There he goes.  He's unobnoxious.
-Yep.

(Man walks in to bar, orders a drink from the bartender but his head surveys the room )

- Give me a beer.
- OK hotshot, what kind of beer?
- Yea that's right, and some whiskey.
- What kind of whiskey, and what kind of beer?

- You know, we could probably stay here till the lights close.

- You mean, lights come on?

- Frederic!  Frederic, my unassuming soft brotherous friend:  Get your turd brother out of here!

He wants me to imply--and for that get caught

- I think he's asleep now.  He's going to Magic Mountain, he's only in the 6th grade.

- Well, wake him up!

- I surely will not!

- Yea you didn't talk this big in high school!

- If you're imply--

- That you shit your pants on the Colossus!

-- No, Evan, grow up.

-- Shit yourself all over!   (Looking around, there is a crowd gathering on Nevsky Prospect). Yea!  Shit himself all over!  Yea, that's right!  You, Evan or Frederic: two characters in the shit eating contest!

-- You are getting quite lazy.

--Who said that!  (Looks around)

Edy's Breakfast Hop

It's where you hop for breakfast*,  2 right turns off the highway








* Gimps are welcome

-God, I could go for a walk.

-A walk? A real walk?  ...like without to the liquor store?  Shit, I'll go along with that.  Let's see where we're going.

--(little baby sitting on his back backpack, whispering, whispering smugly) Prolly to the liquor store.

Now, nothing was transported from here to there!  Who are you guys?  What do I pay you for?

....What are you doing!  It should have been carried by a box, you used your hands.

Am I cold?  Or not cold?

Did I turn on the light?  Am I supposed to turn it off?

Was my plan to turn it off?

...

Wait!

_

Now Who's (whose? Smaller text, what do you think?*)

...

Wh__ shoe is that?

...  (give me some bassline, Tex)

Well, wh__ shoe is the other one?

* "Children, children, now settle down...Settle down now!"

Yea, I got a 10-point plan

- Get drunk
-Put your socks on.  We're going out.

contd. with J. Levinstein

- Now, Brotha Flava, when I saw him at the club--I was trying to pork this black girl with a nose ring--and I'll never forget this, Spring Water, he said, "The sky is big, but, baby, not as big, baby as yo' butt!" I knew he was the one.  At #3 I have Brotha Flava - First on da Scene.  Brotha Flava was involved in the feud of the era, with N'famous.  That feud was very lucrative--for me, for Brotha, for Orenthal, and for their mothers.  A big round ass sitting on your face, I knew people wanted to hear that.  #2 is N'famous with, "I eat children!"  Orenthal--the one that started it all!  God bless him, God Bless Him, let him eat all the children he wants.

- Hello, all.  Women, in particular.  If you are just joining in, this is the Eatkhash Spring Water show, and we're at #3 of ranking things with J. Levinstein.  Lev, what do you have at #3, some Cereal Killa?

-- No, all his lyrics are under a gag-order.  It turns out he was for real.  

--Join us next time for more of the Eatkhash show.

-- Now, enjoy some Spring Water.

Hello ladies and gentleman, welcome to tonight's Eatkhash show.  Tonight we're sponsored by J.L. Spring Water, "No vitamins, no minerals.  Straight from the Source."  With me tonight, Mr. J. Levinstein.  

- Call me Lev.

-Tonight we're going to be talking about some of the noteworthy artists to emerge from the latest scene.  Mr. Levinstein, he'll surely give us some insight

- (big grin)

-as we count down the Top 5 songs we are obligated to rank.  I see some N'famous here, some Brotha Flava, Lil' 'bra, and Cereal Killa.  Now we don't have much time--most of the show is just Spring Water.  Lev, what do you have as #5?

- Hello all, it's J. Leventsein, all talents welcome.  At #5 I have Lil' 'bra TrubleZume (fea. Sissyphus) - Pushin the rock.  This song's important because it marked a shift in Lil' 'bra's content, to themes more likely to ellicit a response from a rational audience.  This was at a time when Lil' 'bra was starting to question things.  I recall he rang me over the cord one night, he said, "Lev, yo I be banging this girl, and my moms is in the other room, and I think she can hear.  Yo, this bitch is loud!  What am I doing here?"  I think he knew he had to move out.  Now "Pushin Rocks" elevated him in the minds of his critics, but #4 Lil' 'bra (fea. N'famous Child Eatr) - Taking Sucks, I relish in remembering was the time he realized, critics aren't going to move him out of his mom's house--I am!  This is also the time he got his grillz.

- Now, is it true he bought those from you?

- No, those were a present.  I reward all my artists.  Enjoy some Spring Water.

- I particularly enjoyed the drop of his intelligence, Mr. Levinstein.  Join us next time, where we'll be at the Top 3 in the ranking of things sponsored by Spring Water.  No vitamins, no minerals.  Straight from the Source

-(Levinstein, aside) Now you should say "Straight from the Source" and refer it to your show.  Urban people love that kind of stuff.  Now, do you have any management?

They are heavy

and they are loud

To use one would involve

extrenuous physical activity

To use one would imply

one enjoys physical activity

I do not partake in physical activity

because it is stupid

it is awfully loud

Some guys are into guns.  I believe the more you like a gun, the more you're going to want to use one.

I don't much care for guns.  They are heavy.  I hope I don't ever have to use one.

Give me a pen and paper and...

well, there you go, boy.

--ah, fuck!  Right now?  My stomach hurts and-

--You said any time--in fact you said, and I quote, "Suck my dick any time, on the pier, with the wind and the pigeons and the Marine helicopters saying hello as we wave on our countrymen!  And I'll give you magic.  

--...?

-- Well, give us magic.

-- You're really something, you know that, right?  You know that on the street, they call you, "Joey, the Bitch."  Fuck you!   You know, if I didn't know any better, I would say you're trying to suck My Dick!

--Joey the Bitch, Joey the Plumber...everyone's always going to call you something.  So, do you want to like hang out?

--Weren't we supposed to argue?

--With who?  There is nothing there!  Who...Whom, is it?

--I don't know man, but you look funny doing it.

--Besides, he's not going to care.  Now that he's discovered he loves himself, he's always on the bus.

late night alley, moonlight or lamp, stumbling in the shadows over gutter water, trash

-I'll knock his crumbum teeth out! (swinging against the light)

I screamed over the phone (and ripped out my heart!)

"You don't love me--
Someone Else!
(on Rocky V, possibly)

Some else
is him loving you."

-I remember when I met you at school.  I was so excited to call you later.

I called rang-rang

You said you were busy,

you were watching Rocky V.

And then that fat foul mouthed bald guy, he's spitting blood and alcohol into the bucket, he goes

"Knock his teeth out, Rocko!"

Adrian still doesn't want him to fight.

I'm watching Rocky V

Rocky's bankrupt.
He moves back into the neighborhood.
It's cold.

I'll never forget the night I met Rocky and Adrian

"Hey, you don't talk to Adrian that way!"

(On A Southern Country Farm)

-(black oranges) We're as smooth as water.  We're all right in here, my friend.  Oh no, that's not cool!  We're juiced!  We're as a good as juiced!

-Whats up?

-What?

-Some of our friends said you were still a prizefighter.

-I still prize with the fights.

-We have a job for you.

-Hey!  All right!

-You have to fall on your face right now.

-Now?

-Like, "Right Now!"

-(falling)Okay....

____the ground

-Did you know, people back in 1999, or 2010, or 1976, used to die?

-What do you mean, "Die?"

-Like, like not to exist!

-(cool guy in retro jacket) Like kapoot?

-Like to not exist?  How?

-Wait, and get this....they used to even kill themselves!

...

It all comes from somewhere--

And I'll teach you, mi amor.

It all comes from somewhere,

and it's usually from my dick.

White, winter, ghost

and it all comes like a fountain,

white, winter, ghost,

Not Christmas.

Not January lights,

white, winter, ghosts

I was working at a supermarket deli.  I had it wrapped in a newspaper.

I opened the paper and showed her.

She feigned disgust, then smiled.

-If I pet it, will it purr?

-Like a Ferrari.

-What about a cat?

-No, a ferrari.

-Then I don't want it.  I want it to purr like a cat.

-It's not a cat; it's a goddamn Ferrari.

--Did you see the game last night?

--What game?

the hospital

--(the cute little smokin brunette, looks like she's annoyed and she works here, and she's annoyed, looking at the guy on the floor) Why do people always make themselves have to lie down on the floor in front of us

(flicks her cigarette out)

I think my TV just told me to develop breasts. like just out of the blue commercial's words and scenes, "Develop breasts!"  And I thought about it for less than a second, and then second a later I thought of it as a slight, and I caught a whims of me in a teeny, thiny, blue bikini!

And I told him,

STOP!

I told my TV!  I used sharper words.

I told him to stop.

It's a sad world, to know
the culture in which you grew up
and loved, someone in there
he'd step his shoes on your face
to getaway he'd rob and pillage
every piece of your body

he'd suck your cunt
and rip it apart
and run, people run!
When they think they'll get caught.

#NfamousChildEatr

--We love you in Ash Gosh!  Please come by, we have a community pool!

from shawshank redemption--this is good writing

Brooks: (voice-over) Dear Fellas. I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid, but now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called the Brewer, and a job bagging groceries at the Food-Way. It's hard work. I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might just show up and say hello. But he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doing okay and making new friends. I have trouble sleeping at night. I have -- bad dreams, like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Food-Way, so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense anymore. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.

Stephen King wrote this, I think.  I always thought he was underratted because he was so famous.  I always thought it was a shame how he got hit by that Wheels of Terror car on USA and died.

Tweets from a downtrodden N'famous Child Eatr

--Man, fuck that Cap'n Krunch Levinstein, went to Innsbrook with my baby bra, then on tour in Luxembourg.  Got me on the road  with this freaky Canadian Jesus rock band.  Ash Gosh, Wisconsin, here I come, I guess.

going nowhere

--You know,  people always say that God is a woman.

--No one says that.  They wish!  

--Okay, I've heard people ask, "How you do you know She's Not?"

--There's a certain self-serving arrogance in your tone, Jimmy....or an arrogance in what you hope to achieve, in your so-called, "Tone."

--One time, I heard a feminist counselor call her a "She."  And also one time,  a white rapper.

--You know that candy store down the street,  little Jimmy?  Of course you do!  They have a machine that produces bubbles into the air as a sort of Fun!/advertising...

--Gimme!

--Yea, well, how do you know the Devil's not a woman?

I'm a bad parker?

This guy pretends to be dyslexic to pick up on women.

Sometimes I start to mistrust my dogs,

that's when I know I need

my Earl's Gray nighttime

night drops

What day is it, today?  I'm trying to figure out what day it is.

Will someone please tell me, all the places are closed.

movie idea: kid who dreams of growing up to become a B-movie star.

Sometimes,

late at nights, when i can't sleep

i like to eat a bowl of porridge

I think this guy, or paid to be evil, a scientist?

this guy, a possibly evil guy--it is not yet sure

put something into butter to make it really addicting

but the butter people have friends in high places

so the truth is hidden from us

but each time to eat butter

you get addicted to it

there's a real big

butter industry

i could smell her when i got off the plane

killer tomatoes and me

--no, we have to write him a note

-how are we going to find a pen and a paper

--(george clooney) here use my script, it's about this man and a corporation--well, an evil corporation, right now, if Sony gets their hands on it--but it's more about society as a whole, or what we are, or things are, really, put together...

You have to feed me, to keep me alive

So I says,

Take that, trash can!

can you paint a comic of some guy on the bus jerking off with some silly little face

and some woman to another woman, or person, pointing "He loves himself!" 

and send it to me?

that would be great

today i realized

everybody was spam

and felt the waif of relief,

or relief of weight,

wait,

what?

Because me and my brothers we like to celebrate

"Come May,
it's V-day.
Come June,
oooh baby it's the lick of my spoon.
Come August!
We like to celebrate St. Suck My Big fat fuckin

....Sausauge!"

Can you imagine waking up night and day to Tom Cruise revealing to you how to get a piece of bush?  Taking some swigs, and falling back asleep.

In a strange way, I thought I was content.

I think the weed has been helping me mellow out before I spiral into my racist ramblings, some stragglers aside.  If weed can work against the alcohol to keep me from not being so obnoxious,

then without alcohol, maybe I could be all-together not obnoxious, like unobnoxious

and once i start, i may never stop showing others that i love myself

Today I decided to bathe.  To love my body, and take care of it.  I even shaved, hoping that by going through my day in this manner, it will teach me to love myself, i guess by showing others that im in the process of loving myself

if i had more willpower, i'd get a haircut

Wednesday.

That's a good name for a child.  Don't I know someone named Wednesday?

....oh!  The girl from the Adams.family.

Cereal Killa - ....(Elisa Gilbert). Just such a sad story, under our noses, to think,

So the bitch got raped and the bitch got raped

like feel me?

your daughter and her father watching!

umm!

So the bitch got raped and the bitch got raped!

ummm!

slam your cunt, bitch!

like

....slap!

suck my face, bitch!

Next on the Eatkhash show

--Male, 26, Some Black guy (maybe not even a black guy, courting a 15 year old girl) : Hey, are you finding what you're fitting for?

--Female, 15 year old, : I'm with my mom, she keeps poking in!

--Male, 26:  Umm yea!  Listen keep it on the down-low!

--Female,15: Yes, mi amor!  because if my dad ever found out, he would have your head on all your neighbors lamp posts!  Plus, you would have to explain yourself to people who thought they knew you.

--Male, 26: ...shit!  Yea, whatever baby, you ready for some of this "CumnGitSum?"

--Female, 16:  Plus, I'm sure at some point someone would notice your huge emongis cock! pricking out of your pants and all, every time you see me in a skirt.

--Male, 26, throbbing: That's why I'm never disappointed, little girl!

I have an idea for a movie.  A woman stops by a liquor store in the middle of her day to buy, I don't know, what do women drink in the middle of the day? some iced tea beverage.  She overhears a customer and a clerk talking about the powerball jackpot, and she muses cutely, telling her husband that evening,  "Honey, you might want to sit down for this..."

She looks up, some guy has a gun.  Things happen, he shoots the clerk and she tries to run.  He tries to go after her, she runs into the middle of the street pleading with cars.  Some guy tells her to get in, he drives down a block with her while she's frantic and he pulls into an alley.  

she tells him what she can, he says yea, nodding, looking around and he punches her in the face.  He looks around again, and proceeds to rape her.  

Once he's done with her body, he kills her.  That's it.

Lil' 'bra (feat. N'famous Child Eatr) - Taking sucks

I'm like an asteroid.

When I get popped, I'll impact the world.

Where's your lover, baby?

Buying milk and suga?

(N'famous)  Yo, I know the mexicans at 7-11s

taking sucks out of the half-n-half

(Lil' 'bra'). Ummm!  Hazelnut at lunchtime, feel me?

I also don't like cold whiskey.  I guess I have more in common with the Brits than I thought.  I can't tell if it's cold or not cold enough.  Dude, weren't we, like, supposed to not like cold whiskey?

--I don't know, dude, you were going on about your sex affair with the Brits.  Now move this couch down over there!

At least I stole her lighter.

shot myself

shot myself

my head,

my poor head

what the hell did my head

ever did to you?

God, I would love to land a job in advertising.

"It gets you drunk."

It's just newspaper clippings and fruit seeds

Sly, like a fox!

I woke up late for work.  I didn't think I should waste time taking a shower, but I had to make myself look presentable.  I shaved enough for them to at least know I'm trying.  I opened the window too see if my neighbor's hot wife was about.  An unexpected wind blew a gusto at me and I caught a whiff of myself.  I thought I'd do a quick tune up.  I grabbed some washcloths and started splashing underneath my arms.  I warmed up the wash cloths and and put some hand soap on them, applied them gently but assertively, then started splashing about again.  I threw those on the ground and wet some more wash clothes and rinsed and dried with more wash cloths.  Then I grabbed a bottle of some spray I swiped from an old folks home--it's used by nurses on patients who can't clean themselves.  I put one leg up on the sink, supporting myself, and went to work spraying.  Then I got more wash clothes.  Then I put up my other leg--wait a minute!  I don't need to do that.  It's a shame, I thought, that they discontinued this product. Then I stuck my head in the sink and shampooed under the running water. I was done.  I was fresh and clean.  There was water and wash cloths all over the place.  You, you sly dog, you!  The whole  incident took about 47 minutes.

Yes I will have some tomatos and eggs.  That'll go lovely with my wine.

What you do is, you first peel the skin off the tomato.  Unfortunately, you won't have this luxury option with all tomatoes, only the finest.  He will now thinly slice the fresh grown tomato, and spread them on a buttery skillet.  You must first take care of the tomato.  Let it simmer.  Get a fire going.  Let it cook.

Good.  That's good, baby. Then you can drop in the eggs.

-What's good?
-That's goo--well, look who joined our show, International Brotha Love!  

Another thing I learned, but this is for the detox tank, see they take off your socks--can you believe that shit, babe, somebody else took off my socks!--and the ground is really cold.  So what I did, see what I did was I wrapped toilet paper around my feet.  But I ended up using the entire roll.

"Let me get some paper."

"No."

"C'mon man, I gotta take a shit."

"Get away from me!"

There were no pillows in county.  You had to use the towel that they gave you as a pillow.  So that means you had to decide, do you want a pillow, or do you want to keep shivering?  And another thing, there were no girls in jail.  It was all full of dudes!  I don't know how anybody could stand that place.

--  ( Ben Cartwright, adorable gay show host) Brotha Love began on the nightly EatKhash show, as your lovely, adorable regular neighbor tax cheat.  Of course, I lived in San Francisco, and back then if I called my neighbor lovely or adorable, I don't know if he'd kiss me or kill me!  Oh behave!  Or don't behave, if this camera had a hole in the screen!  

With me today, Brotha Love, tax cheat, lover ex-tra-ordinnaire, and new citizen of another sexy country!

International Brotha Love

I'm getting pretty good at impulsively making up my own words in my first-language, where in this city, is my third-languauge--of course, behind Seduction.

Yea man, the night bereckons nightfall

because the night, unlike breakfest

can't say,

hello, we've got pancakes

free while you wait for your orange juice or milk

(Sweet buttery milk, sweet milk, from the south)

the night is jealous,

yo man

the night is a really petulant king of a lover!

-- Yea, I don't get what the big deal is...I told Erin Andrews, and I'll told you!... Yea well, I'll live in part of a tense.  I drew a message on my belly!  My mom told me I had an affable belly.  I wrote on my belly, "My belly belongs to me, and not you, Ms. Erin Andrews!"

So I says to Erin Andrews,

I says, "Listen, Erin Andrews.  You are not in charge of my pro-biotics!"

I was talking to my grandpa.  I said,

"Let me see your legs."

He showed me his legs.

I said, "I don't get it.  You're not that hairy; dad's not that hairy.  Why am I so hairy?"

He looked down quickly smiling, "It fell off."

I responded, "So you lost hair up there, and then there?  Oh man!"  I laughed for awhile.

He said, "Well, where did hair come from?  Weren't we full of hair all over our faces and bodies back then?"

"Well they say, we were apes, and then we were black,--"

"Right, so--"

"Maybe there was something in the grass back then....I guess...Thanks, Grandpa!"

I think my dog is starting to get old.  Her leg gave out the other day, she can't jump on the beds, i can hear her footsteps.  She's starting to become Oreo.  

i keep remembering she would always kiss my picture

I keep wondering

how she doesn't get tired of being with me

I keep forgetting

how i feel each time i see her

I should have never got drunk in front of her parents.

Yea, Jurgen Klopp can take her to all those fancy restaurants!

I can't believe she picked that Jurgen Klopp over me!

I'm a loser.

I have no friends.

I smell.

Oh shit man, Rocky won! I didn't think he would win this one.

They both fall down.

It's a droggy scene.

I'm tired.
I'm going to sleep.

It's Round 16
Rambo's in the crwod.

The card girl is fucking the promoter

I'm like,

...Get him, Rocky!

And Apollo is waving him on, 

get that fuckin towel!

give him some air!

(Give him some water.
don't choke him with it)

oh man, syvester stallone is punching that guy
and that apollo, that jerk!, is punching back
like in a school fight

yo....i gotta go!

Fuck yea, Rocky II is on!

On this episode of Paranoid guy that just found out he's not beingchased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret GovernmentIdentity

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): I just want to know the story behind that smoke detector...it has been all over me.

(Government Source): Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity, is that your name?

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): What?

(Government Source): Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity, are we correct in inferring that is your name?

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): Sirs!

(Government Source): Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity, don't be cute.

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): Yes, sirs!  You are correct in assuming, Sirs!

(Government Source):  Indeed.

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): Sirs, ai just thought I was saving time and being effecient with my response, Sirs!

(Government Source): Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity, are you trying to suck my dick, soldier?

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): Sir, No, Sirs!

(Government Source): Are you searching proudly for the shits outta my ass?

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): Sir, No, Sirs!  ....absolutely not, sir.  Holy Jesus!

(Government Source): Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity, are you religious, soldier?

(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): Jesus, help me Jesus.

(Government Source): Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity, will you ever drink blueberry beer again?
(Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity): No, Heavens no!
(Government Source):Paranoid guy that just found out he's not being chased by the government, but still Must Assume his Secret Government Identity Hmm, hmm...hmm

that's the white couch i once thought was my toilet.

look at this!

zoom in, i just fucked him up!

That's just the kind of innovative Pet Owner
I am.
I'm Eatkhash.
And I own Pets.

See usually if I lower my arm or tap my fingers my dog will come over to my hand, but if she wants to.  If not, she'll look up pretending like she doesn't know what i know she's thinking.  So i tapped and she didn't want to come over, but then I thought--maybe if i keep tapping my hand enough, it'll annoy her to the point where she'll say fine and she'll come over so i can rub her neck.

But then I thought, if Homer wants to be a woman

The Coroner? I'm so sick of that guy!

- I do enjoy a snifter of Port at Christmas...now let me tell you something,

Mr. sucker.

my heart! my heart! my heart!

Tru or False

You can get Mono from riding the Monrail.

Well then, you should have written a song like that guy, Marge!

The Best!

Simpson!
Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in history!

-- Mono.
-- doh!

Lil' 'bra and N'famous Child Eatr meet with Levinstein

- Hey guys?  She take care of you?  We have a bunch of 40s in the back.

-- (Lil bra) Lev, cut the shit.

-- (child eater). Yea man, I can't even order a steak no more.

--( Lev). Why, it comes up dry?  Sorry, I had some wine earlier.  What's up guys?

--(Lil bra). Yo, we need him where we got him, where he needs to be!

-- (Lev). What?

-- ( N'famous child eater). Yo, Lev, I thought we had some plans, long term, or at least it felt like...

-- (Lev) Look, Orenthal--

-- (Lil bra). Yo man, he needs to be a raptor!

-- ( Lev). What? 

-- ( Lil bra) when Toronto was a Saurus, feel me?

-- ( Lev). Orenthal?  Can you explain to me, exactly what your brother is saying?

-- (Lil bra). ....He needs the jerk like a chicken, feel me?  And jerk it, too!

-- (N'famous child eatr): Clive, will you shut the fuck up!

-- (Lil bra) Yo, I got the gold teeth!  

-- (N'famous): Lev, I thought we had something planned out for me.  We got my brother involved, and that Canadian Jesus rock band.  Where's my flame?

-- (Lev)  Oh, it's that Cereal Killa!  He's got your heat.

-- (N'famous). My heat?  you mean my wrath?  Should I get Alisha?  Is she in danger?

-- (Lev) No, it's just that you eat children, but he rapes younger women (liberals 15-24).  Children don't buy records.

-- (N'famous) Oh man, this shit is really bumming me out!  This shit is really bumming me out!  It's like I don't even want to eat children no more!

--(Levinstein). Get a hold of your boy, Lil 'bra!  He flies out of his contract, I'll eat your children!

--(Lil 'bra). ...shit!  If you can track em all down!