They were 18. So I guess they were adults.
sociopath
My little cousin's been crying all day because one of her friends from high school was in a car with five other drunk teenagers that crashed and burned. All are dead. I tried to console her, there, there and tapped her head several times: What's that coming out of your eyes?
That was pretty good. You! You sly dog, you!
She actually wasn't that smart. She was kind of deformed and retarted. She had cobweb toes, she was missing a kneecap, her left breast was lopsided, and one of her eyes would always turn into Pong every time she would try to think of a lie to cover up something she let slip.
And she would cut her own hair.
random thoughts
Should a guy like me drink? I mean, a real...a real...a real studmuffin!
Look, the Operations Director of a Fortune 500 company does not get drunk. Do you want the Donald to see?
Woman, you need to realize that your Man is sober now. You need to drop what your doing, quit your job or your studies, tell him or hims and her to fuck off, and, I dunno...bring me a chicken dinner.
Smooth move, Double 0 Negative.
-Should we drink?
-I don't know.
-Maybe it's a futile effort.
-Maybe it's all a futile effort.
-So should we drink?
-No.
-Oh.
I had one nightmare, one funny dream, and one kind of sexy/clumsy dream.
I'll tell you about the funny one:
You know that nerdy kid from Freaks and Geeks? The short, Jewish one with curly hair. So I'm walking past an apartment building, and there's this white metal ladder in a cage attached to the side of the building--one of those straight ladders that leads to the roof, but is always locked and is too high to reach. Underneath it, there's a little faucet in the grass behind a couple bushes. So I reach down into the bushes and turn the knob, and this violent wave of water comes rumbling down from inside the...ladder hole, I guess. I stand back, and the water crashes into this old, black compact sedan parked on the street. The eruption is relentless on the worn vehicle, and I just go around it and continue on the sidewalk, passing three male figures walking in the direction of the sedan.
I approach a multistoried parking structure, much like one you'll find on college campuses and hospitals, with a lot of stairwells, exits, and doors that are locked from the outside. Then I hear voices calling from where I had just been and I turn around to see that nerdy kid by the car, signaling me to come back. I deduce from his gestures that that was his vehicle and that there will be legal and financial ramifications. I turn back around, somewhat hastily, and try to find some way into the parking structure while I hear him communicating with the security guard. I climb up a fence and over a rail guard unto the base of the stairs leading to the parking structure. I try one door that won't open, then I run up the stairs to the second floor while some girl with a backpack is exiting through the door and push her out of the way to get in and run up the hill to the third level. I turn my head back and the nerdy kid is trotting up to the stairs to the second floor; in front of me at the top of the hill, the Security Guard is speaking into his walkie-talkie and squating down, somewhat like a wrestler. I bear right and reach a door. While I open it, I turn back and see his nerdy face approaching like an enraged goat, so I jump over a rail guard and land at the base of the steps--but that exit door won't open. I run back up the stairs to the second floor and push the nerdy kid out of the way as he opens that door, and run back into the parking lot.
I'm not going to watch the rest of Battle for Hiditha. I know the rest will have a negative effect on me. Some times, there are certain things that you just shouldn't see. Wish I learned that earlier.
And let me tell you something, Life. You don't want me to sleep? Fine. So be it. But you're not going to break my spirit.
Nick Bloomfield, though--gotta give it to him. Knows how to stir things up.
Good Night, Piece of Shit Life.
Maybe I can get some decent sleep tonight.
Am I allowed to drink NyQuil? That's a negative.
But it's not NyQuil; it's Waldendorf's Nighttime Cold and Flu Relief.
Negative. I shall not.
I'm not going to let other people unknowingly influence me. If I do it, it's going to be knowingly.
I gotta get some new clothes. I've been wearing the same two jeans and four shirts for the last two years. One pair a week, baby.
Villagers
#1
Gossip, slaughter
sheep and pigs,
worry about how much
money your neighbor
made last week,
selling flowers
to a woman,
who'll never equal
your mother.
You ring around
if your in laws don't fight
then everything is rosy.
You tell your wife
to go and make coffee -
there's more to life
than 32 teeth.
There's more to life
than 32 teeth.
# 2
Pomegranates and mulberry trees -
the same shit I said last week -
I don't give a fig
about apricot jam.
The Persians fuck our girls,
mainly in March.
Fuck the Persians.
Stone the girls.
When they're ripe
and the time is right,
if besmirched,
then their skin is good.
If they're clean,
they look sickly.
They are, our wives to be.
Gossip, slaughter
sheep and pigs,
worry about how much
money your neighbor
made last week,
selling flowers
to a woman,
who'll never equal
your mother.
You ring around
if your in laws don't fight
then everything is rosy.
You tell your wife
to go and make coffee -
there's more to life
than 32 teeth.
There's more to life
than 32 teeth.
# 2
Pomegranates and mulberry trees -
the same shit I said last week -
I don't give a fig
about apricot jam.
The Persians fuck our girls,
mainly in March.
Fuck the Persians.
Stone the girls.
When they're ripe
and the time is right,
if besmirched,
then their skin is good.
If they're clean,
they look sickly.
They are, our wives to be.
You don't steal from Chad NewBrunswick!
- You know what this is? It's $100. You got anything to say for yourself?
- I got a sick grandmother.
- I got a sick grandmother.
- I don't care if you got a sick great-grandmother: You don't steal from Chad NewBrunswick!
- It won't happen again.
- I don't care if it's $20
- Yes, sir.
- I don't care if it's $19
- Yes, sir.
-I don't care if it's $18
- Yes--
-No, listen.. I don't care if it's $17
- It won't happen again.
-I don't care if it's 16 dammit: You don't steal from Chad NewBrunswick! Consider this your one and only warning.
- Ok.
- I don't care if it's $15!
- (barkeep) You kinda have to take his battery out. He does this every night.
That's a good argument in court
Your Honor, important Jesuits of the Court, these are pages of my writing.
Have I been known to wet my whistle a little bit? Sure. But upon your reading, you will find that I'm a vessel, a sexy vessel--I have to create art! I do not deserve to be thrown in with the gangs.
I have never touched anyone--I've gotten beat up a few times--but I have never wished ill-will on anyone.
--
it's all bullshit, but it sounds good
Have I been known to wet my whistle a little bit? Sure. But upon your reading, you will find that I'm a vessel, a sexy vessel--I have to create art! I do not deserve to be thrown in with the gangs.
I have never touched anyone--I've gotten beat up a few times--but I have never wished ill-will on anyone.
--
it's all bullshit, but it sounds good
the thin red line
"Why should I be afraid to die?
I belong to you.
If I go first, I'll wait for you."
I belong to you.
If I go first, I'll wait for you."
The Springfield Files
"This is a simple lie detector test. I'll ask you a couple questions and you answer truthfully. Do you understand?
-(Homer) Yes.
-(lie detector blows up)
"
-(Homer) Yes.
-(lie detector blows up)
"
knock-knock
-Will you love me?
-I don't know. Let me see your tits.
-(she shows him)
-(nods quietly) Come on in.
-I don't know. Let me see your tits.
-(she shows him)
-(nods quietly) Come on in.
Hello, Alcoholism
Hello, Alcoholism.
Barev dzez Barez dzez
Sure! Fuck my wife.
Let me get some eggs started
while you're doing that
Barev dzez Barez dzez
Sure! Fuck my wife.
Let me get some eggs started
while you're doing that
slim charles
-Who we hittin?
-Goes by the name, "Mickey Rooky."
-What happened, he fuck up the count?
-No, worse. He beat our boy in chess. Guy's really sensitive about that shit.
-Goes by the name, "Mickey Rooky."
-What happened, he fuck up the count?
-No, worse. He beat our boy in chess. Guy's really sensitive about that shit.
My bad
I was playing chess online turn-based with this guy, there was no way he could win--sonuvabitch checkmated me.! Chess is a language. I prolly just overlooked one move--but it's just fuckin amazing.
Cocksucker lowered my rating. I'm going to put a hit out on him.
Cocksucker lowered my rating. I'm going to put a hit out on him.
-It says here, you're not supposed to be drinking.
-No, baby, I'm not supposed to be drinking and driving. It's the law.
-Why are you in pajamas?
-Because it's faster that way.
-So you're not driving?
-No, now I'm utterly consumed by avoiding cars at all cost.
-Good motto.
-I avoid them like the plague; I avoid them like geniuses--or genusi (points to his brain) avoid cliches; I avoid them like America avoids Soccer.
-Let's have sex. I'll make you pancakes.
-Done.
-No, baby, I'm not supposed to be drinking and driving. It's the law.
-Why are you in pajamas?
-Because it's faster that way.
-So you're not driving?
-No, now I'm utterly consumed by avoiding cars at all cost.
-Good motto.
-I avoid them like the plague; I avoid them like geniuses--or genusi (points to his brain) avoid cliches; I avoid them like America avoids Soccer.
-Let's have sex. I'll make you pancakes.
-Done.
No one! No one ever hears my flaming words.
- Well, Brotha: you said it.
- Hey! Hey, get back here!
- No, man. You said it, I'm telling the whole class! I'm telling Ms. Johnson; I'm telling Mrs. Knorp.
-Why don't you tell Mrs. Knoop how your mom payed me back that $20 you owed me?
-Ah, man: she heard it here, first. I'm going to let her know! You're flaming, baby!
- Well, Brotha: you said it.
- Hey! Hey, get back here!
- No, man. You said it, I'm telling the whole class! I'm telling Ms. Johnson; I'm telling Mrs. Knorp.
-Why don't you tell Mrs. Knoop how your mom payed me back that $20 you owed me?
-Ah, man: she heard it here, first. I'm going to let her know! You're flaming, baby!
3 Gangsters making their scene
-Ok, that's them. There's a couple by the steps, and the rest of them right there. That's Juice, right there. The way this has to go, I'll step to Juice, you guys get a good view on all of them. I'll announce myself all chill till Juice inevitably drops it, and I catch him.
-Inevitably? What's that?
-It's like doom.
-(the weak link) Yea, if he doesn't know what's goin on.
-Once I catch him, I'll have it cold on his temple, and you guys make sure sure you have the others monitored--you know, Supervise that shit. Check the steps, be on all of them before they catch a whiff of something cute. Once Juice starts making sense, I'll lower the piece, but you guys stay in commando, till we're out--nice and clean. We'll shake hands.
-Civilized.
-Fresh N' Easy
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