a bug: November 2013

- What are you doing?

- I am literally stopping what I'm doing to talk to you.

- Is that good?

- It's wonderfully terrible.

- What is?

- Love.

- You call this love?

- Isn't it?

- It's a real estate deal.

- Oh. Can I be frank with you?

- Okay.

- Great. Then call me Frank!

- You're stupid.

- Your butt's stupid.

- The phone's buzzing; it must be from your end. Stick it in the bathtub and I'll call you in five.

- No, don't. There won't be any need. I repeat, there won't be any need.

- What are you, Tony Two-Times?

- It really was from my end.

- You're gross.

- Your butt's gross.

- I have to go; my niece is here.

- What's her name?

- Arpi, like Sharpie. Oh my god, what's she wearing? ...It's probably just a trend of the times-- I have to go.

- Wait.

- What?

- Does she look like the Macho Man?

- Bye.

- Knock - knock!

- I'm hanging up.

- Chickenbutt! No, wait--

Something happened over the course of the last two days that has been troubling me deeply--and by deeply, I mean not too much, considering I still have a full face, no terminal illnesses that I know of, and I'm not homeless. I stuffed my face like a Thanksgiving turkey this holiday with candied yams, glazed ham, potato gratin, gravy, pumpkin pie, and stuffing. Totally fudged up my daily dietary goals--I mean, really smudged that shit up. I tried to go to confession but the priest told me to get the hell out; and then I realized that it's not bothering me too much, as that burning inside me is actually a desire to start exercising. More importantly, I finally followed through and initiated an exercise routine. And more importantly, I passed the month mark for sobriety last week, two months shy of my record.

I tend to go to bed real early, but I'm not sleepy or depressed. It seems like I'm traveling on this low frequency, verging on contentment, subtly stroking patience; and I know this sentence doesn't actually say anything, but I'm just going to go with it. See apropos of the pumpkin pie, the problem is that it's there as I walk by after I had sweets in my dreams. It should not be there and be somewhere else in stead of there. And I'm pretty good at not putting things there or shying away, but it was the holidays, you know?

Good-bye, egg yolk.

Good-bye, old friend.

(to the egg-white) Come on, Stupid. Let's go.

Top Ten Episodes of the Simpsons - very good list

http://youtu.be/XdAyvrFvEzs

http://youtu.be/Qrab578-Omk

(sound of the door slightly creaking open, then footsteps on the wooden floor)

- Hi Honey!

- (low and worn) Yea, hi.

- Oh, you look tired. Are you tired, dear? Let's get your coat off...how bout some dinner.

- Okay.

- Here, take your seat. It's already warm and ready. There you go, sweety.

- (husband sits back with wistful sigh). Oh, I'm beat. Old man Marley has been riding me all week about those new accounts. "Where are the facts and figures, David? Do you have the facts and figures?" Yea, I got some facts for him, but not enough figures to--Wait a minute, where is the garnish? You have to garnish, Woman. Where is the goddamn garnish?

- Your mother pickled it. It'll be ready next winter.

- Don't talk like that.

- All my jars are sealed with cucumbers in the garage.

- I said don't talk like that.

- My celery and peppers are missing. I couldn't make a salad.

- She knows what she's doing.

- And I don't? What's that supposed to mean?

- (drops his utensils) Oh, with the dramatics!

- I suppose I should empty the detergent and leave the containers out?

- (goes back to eating) That's between you two.

- No, David. It's between you and I.

- You and me.

- David!

- Look, if you want to put her in a home, we'll put her in a home. Have it your way. Any way you want it.

- You're just saying that because you're hungry.

- You want us to move? There are the classifieds. But may I first suggest you ease back on your organic agenda. You spend enough at Whole Foods to match my paycheck and Sal's.

- (Pandora walks away grumbling) What's it matter, she's just going to want us to move down the street and visit her every night.

- What's that, Honey? I can't hear you, these are some great rosemary potatoes.

Back in time, a long time ago, there was and there wasn't a little girl--and that little girl was me. I packed a little lunch for my dear granny and I to eat with goodies like apples and berries, a cherry pie, figs, nuts, and ham and cheese. I walked out the door beaming with the sun, and I was about to start skipping all the way to my Grandmother's house, when I remembered I had forgotten my TEC-9 Semi-Automatic.

See, I knew the path that lay ahead, what with the tall towering tress through which not one ray of sunshine could penetrate; and at nights only the owls were kind enough to warn us.

Where there's no light, there is no good. But with my Tec-9, I had some protection. So to make an old story short, I arrived into the inner depths of the forest. In the background, the wolves were howling, but behind the trees I could see one peculiar-looking wolf, stalking and sinister, no doubt, but also somewhat squeamish and cartoonish.

"Okay, come out." I said to him.

"No. You put your gun away first." He replied.

"I don't have a gun."

"I know you're carrying one."

"Look, this isn't going to work if you don't come out."

"I agree. You should throw your gun away," he added wryly, then sank back into the shadows. I could still see his purple puffy tail and his denim overalls.

"Okay, it's gone."

"I don't believe you. Just tell me where your grandmother lives." I could hear the peevish voice from behind the tree.

"What are you going to do to her?" I tried in a most coy, mischievous tone, and I either turned him on or affected a sense of security in him, because I now saw his face and his mouth watering, and he started approaching me slowly, but in an affable manner.

"Are you carrying that basket to your grandmother, Child?"

Poor Wolf, he couldn't keep from salivating. I almost felt sorry for him. If it wasn't for the cold malice in his eyes, I may have at least gave him a taste of my sweet cherry-pie. What are you supposed to do with a Wolf like that? I had to shoot him.

See I've pretty much cut out all sugar from my diet, with the exception of my Pocky with my tea (it's only like 10 calories a stick, and I only eat like three a day) and sometimes a honey granola bar in the morning, or apple cinnamon. Sometimes, I'll take a bite of a shortbread cookie if I see someone holding it, but I generally don't feel oppressed or repressed by my restraint.

The downside has been an increase of artifical sweetners infiltrating my system. To curb that, I went out and bought a bunch of flavored teas like vanilla tranquility, peach & passion fruit, and a good english breakfast. The challenge has been in taking out the tea bag at the right moment. And for coffee, I try to only drink gourmet shit; that way, black won't taste like shit.

I went a little overboard with those liquids that you squirt into your water, so I should ease up on those.

Diet Coke's going to be a little tough to let go.

"Boys have a penis,

while girls have a vagina."

The Bear (1988)

I vant watch this movie!

I often jot down all these avant-garde or international films that I plan to watch, but I'm usually too lazy and I sit back and watch something like Kindergarten Cop. It just seems like too much effort some times, when my mind is racing. I've noticed all the films on my personal list, those that are really dear to me--pretty much all of them, I would just stumble upon at night.

khelok sandwich

There was and there wasn't...

- Lay back, child, and I will tell you a story.

- Can I tell the story, too?

- Okay, sure. I'll start, and you continue with whatever thoughts pop up in your mind. That way we can create our own story-tale! But only until you get sleepy, and then we can continue it tomorrow.

- Yea!

- So there was and there wasn't a little girl, who dreamed of

- Having a pony!

- She loved to visit her Uncle's ranch and watch the horses training.

- And the horsies go dg-lin dg-lin dg-lin dg-lin!

- She watched the horses from afar, always being careful. After a while, with her Uncle's supervision, she fed the horses...

- Honey nut cherrios! Because they are super sweet.

- Not as sweet as you. But horses are herbivores. That means they eat hay, oats, and grains. Sugar would give them a stomach ache. So as the little girl grew older, she started learning to look after the horses, and she even picked out her favorite one. And what did she name it?

- Hannah Montana.

- Or just Hannah.

- No! Hannah Montana.

- Okay, Hannah Montana. After she finished her homework, she would run to the ranch to visit her new friend, and Hannah Montana would remember her and she would lower her muzzle--

- What's a muzzle?

- It's her huge nose and mouth. So Hannah Montana would--

- Because I heard Uncle Tom say to Mrs. Tom the horse would get the muzzle if she didn't place on Sunday--Mommy, What's a deadbeat?

- Let's finish our story, so we can start a new one tomorrow night.

- When do I get to ride Hannah Montana?

- Knowing your uncle...Baby, Mommy's tired, and you have a big day tomorrow. Let's put you to sleep. (lowers her voice) And tomorrow we'll find you another hobby.

- Can I help you with something?

- You sure can...Angineh.

- You can just call me Angie.

- Oh, you too, huh? Im thinking of something for the kitchen--it's a gift.

- Is it for a man or a woman?

- A woman. My wife. It's her birthday. I was thinking of some new pots and pans so she can cook good meals for my mother; plus I don't want to spend that much on a new laundry machine.

- Oh.

- Do you think that's a bit crude?

- Well, we have other gifts for the kitchen.

- Yea, I saw a bronze salad bowl. We can pack a lot of pork-chops in there.

- How about a nice dining set?

- How bout those espresso cups over there? We're gonna want her to make some coffee after the laundry.

- This set is very cute.

- Shat cute.

- See, each cup has its own spoon and a small plate under it so you can put a--

- A tea biscuit? A madeleine? Yea, yea, I get it. Although, it's very white. And from an aesthetic point, Angineh, it's bland, a bit alani, you know?

- Oh.

- Now, the colors and the circular shapes on the box, I like. Can't you guys like sirun dzevov design anek? Like some light blue swirls or circles over other circles in another shade of blue, like bubbles in the water?

- We can't paint over porcelain.

- You don't say.

- But this item is very popular.

- I agree; it is quite elegant. But is it elegant enough? And the answer is, yes. I believe I'll take it. Now, these macaroons on the box--

- They're not included.

- They never are. I'll take it, regardless. Way to earn your commission.

- I'm paid hourly.

- How apropos of the wet snow.

- What?

- Nothing. How about giftwraping?

- We can gift wrap it, but with a service fee and also the price of the materials.

- The gift-wrap?

- Yes

- How apropos.

- Yes.

- What?

- Excuse me?

- So what is the cost?

- With that size of a box, it'll come to about $13.

- $13? Maman explode! Is that the best you can do?

- Yes, that's the price.

- You don't have one of those coupon codes or an employee number you can punch in? I mean, menk bolors hye enk.

- Sorry, it won't let me give any discounts.

- Okay, when shall I return?

- It'll be ready in about 15 minutes.

- Let me just get a another glance at it, mehat make sure anem...okay, that's good. It's the one. I shall return, then.

- Great.

Morning movie commentary

Don't you believe that Alfred Molina! He's going to take you to Iran, and his crazy sisters are going to scold you, and you can leave...but not without your daughter.

You're a real fine EatKhash when you back that thing up

i like mornings now

trazodone and seroquel are non-narcotics. trazodone will give you loud nightmares, and you'll wake up screaming, but if you switch to seroquel, you'll wake up in the middle of the night craving chocolate like never before--and you will gain weight. I recommend neither.

Rather, I recommend a healthy diet and a healthy approach to it; a non-compulsive or obsessive physical activity pattern, which can gradually become a nice routine; and it probably wouldn't hurt to identify your character defects and short-comings, and assess how those traits? hamper your daily progress.

stayed up too late tonight. let's not make it a habit.

seedy places remind me of seedy things

- How can I help you?

- You certainly can...wait, what?

- Can I help you with something?

- Um, yes. I want to return this showerhead.

- Which showerhead?

- This here showerhead.

- What's wrong with it.

- It's too powerful. It fell on my neck and injured me.

- It fell on your neck?

- Yes! I was eating my Egg McMuffin and showering, and it fell on me. I had to visit the hospital room.

- You shouldn't eat and shower.

- Hey, don't tread on me; this is America.

- I remember you...You came in here two days ago, trying to return it--I know that cast is not real.

- Wait, what?

- You said you wanted to return it because you accidentally gave yourself an enema two nights in a row.

- No.

- Yea, you said it was too powerful. We all had a good laugh about it. Obviously, we can't take it back.

- Who, them? (turns his head to the patrons and employees) Whach'a laughin aboot? Speak, Canadian Jamaica!

Time for my morning ritual. I wonder if Planned Parenthood is open on weekends.

wait, what? ...oh baby, baby!

she is the silly frozen yogurt of my dreams

i want to dip my fiery redhead

into her happy goodness

and watch it melt meltily

all the birds are together once again, my love

they fly scattered into the air,

and the flowers?

Well, obviously they have gingivitis!

Youtube shows full games from previous World Cups. I'm about to start Brazil vs. Netherlands,

semi-final WC 1998

We got Bebeto, Ronaldo, Rivaldo, Leonardo, Roberto Carlos, Dunga, Kluivert,
Bergkamp, Edgar Davids, de Boer, Jaap Stam (still looking like a Nazi), Van der Sar

First time I've sat down to watch tv in two weeks

check this out

from The Wire

McNULTY: It's this one here with the orange cord going out the back. They're pirating juice from the other house.
UNIFORMED COP#1: You fucking gotta be kidding me. Now I'm policing for BG&E?

McNULTY: They're not there yet. But when this kid here posts, snatch him up.
UNIFORMED COP#1: Park our asses outside this shit hole and wait for some little project yo to raise up?
McNULTY: Mrs. McNulty raised no fools. Four Faidley's crab cakes in the bag, 24 Dutch beers in the box.
UNIFORMED COP#2: Faidley's, huh?
UNIFORMED COP#1: You're alright, McNulty. I don't care what all them other fucks downtown say about you.

McNULTY: 11-35, what's up?
(Kima on radio) Our friend wants a meet. Same spot.
McNULTY: Copy that, 15 minutes.
UNIFORMED COP#1: What's the deal with the yo boy? What he do?
McNULTY: He stumble into my world.

She has a death sentence over her.

She looked into my eyes in front of everyone and revealed her soul, her agony while smiling.

Instead I just sat there, seemingly cold.

I failed her that night. And she walked away.

All I needed to do was hug her, thank her for her courage, or just ask if she needed a friend.

I fear I may not get another chance.

It has quickly grown heavy on my heart,

and perhaps at this point, all I can do is let it out

or it will crush me.

I can actually rewind some of my dreams. If certain incidents or unfortunate scenes are caused by my own doing and stubborness, I'm sometimes able to identify it in the moment and admit my wrong-doing, and say this should not have gone down this way--this isn't really happening. And so I rewind the scene back to the moment before the wreckage, and then I wake up.

In the mornings I like to walk down the street and grab a little sandwich. Then I stand outside with my coffee and cigarette and smile at the girls as they do the Walk of Shame into Planned Parenthood.

I try to read the news, the text is small so I can see the glare of some lightbulb product. I try to check the latest scores, I get a pop-up for Athlete's Foot. Well, you won't find any advertisments here, at least. Big wow, someone's grumpy. Someone's got a case of the Mondays. No, I'm not--and I don't work on Mondays.

But I'm going to. I'm doing fine and I'm building more than a house of cards. I don't allow myself to be bored anymore.

Anyway, so in my dream I'm walking my dogs in a suburban neighborhood, and we're at a park and I hear sirens. Up the street, I see a cruiser stop in front of a house, and a cop--a policecop--talks to a frantic woman who points at a house and the officer runs in with his gun out. Then a few other cruisers arrive at the scene, and they all rush in. Me and the neighbors hear shots fired, and then a shootout--so obviously, we run closer so we can see the shootout. I spot a man run out of that house and into another one. Then through the window, that sonuvabitch starts firing into the park with a shotgun, and the police--the policecops--disappear. We all try to take shelter behind trees and stumps of trees. I'm behind a pretty thick one, but my dogs aren't with me, and there's really no where to run, as we're out in the open in that park. There's shrapnel flying through the air and chunks of...um, tree violently splintering off all around me. I try to make a run for it, as I see that foul, miserable insect, now in the park, reloading his shotgun; and who knows what I'll do to him if he shoots me in the back. I make a dash, a mad dash, down the street but I don't have my dogs with me. I see my Aunt's dog, and I pick her up as I'm sprinting, and one of mine I turn to see is running behind me. But the little one, I can't find, and Chelsea's gotten fatter and it's a struggle to lift up two dogs in motion and I'm about to drop them

I guess I've been walking my dogs more often, which is good.

This just in...

"Powersauce is amazing!"

The West Wind of which they Speak (1863)

Oh! but to live the life I once knew,

Before time lingered on.

In the back of my mind,

I felt within me, Life,

slowly as it was leaving me.

Now I stand, motionless-

In commotion, I pray to thee,

This west wind of which they speak,

Blowing winds and consuming me;

I am but those amber ashes,

Pleading to thee.

Everlasting, everpresent -

For so long, how I ignored thee.

I felt I was the stronger,

Till Power was mine no longer.

Now I try, to close my eyes...

For I may see or feel thee.

Your river flowing, provoking;

As thy wind upon me blowing.

No longer dead my Will be -

Rekindle the fire of my fancy.

Soul, Speak to me! Like the West Wind of which they Speak. I am but amber ashes, pleading with Thee. Rekindle the fire of my fancy!

-(Soul) That's some good-ass cantaloupe.

it wants to make a sandwich

and to eat that fuckin thing!

then sigh and sleep

but it does not have any tuna

and as such

it will dice its cilantro and green onions

and...

make soup!

then it will dip carrots slightly in roasted red pepper hummus

and then some green cantaloupe

it does not know,

is it green melon,

or honey dew,

or cantaloupe?

it does not know

"I started drinking on my wedding night"

i don't have much to say

but my soul is beaming

it wants to get out

it walks to talk and laugh

and walk around

it wants to make friends

it hums happily throughout the day

it fights off my temper eventually

it is hopeful

it is embracing patience

it likes to flirt with tears

then smiles

it is a bit tired

and is slightly hungry

the Xx

crystalised

Just create an Xx station on Pandora, great stuff comes along with it, Citizen Cope, John Frusciante

Ellie Goulding's gorgeous

I want to change my last name to Bravo.

La Liga!

Real Madrid vs. Real Sociedad

"It's a beautiful morning..."

Real Madrid: Who needs defense?

Yea right, we're gonna have problems in the latter stages of the CL like this.

What did the Pacific say to the Atlantic?

No...guess again.

a bug

Top Ten Episodes of the Simpsons - very good list

The Bear (1988)

There was and there wasn't...

Morning movie commentary

You're a real fine EatKhash when you back that thing up

i like mornings now

wait, what? ...oh baby, baby!

First time I've sat down to watch tv in two weeks

This just in...

The West Wind of which they Speak (1863)

Soul, Speak to me! Like the West Wind of which they Speak. I am but amber ashes, pleading with Thee. Rekindle the fire of my fancy!

"I started drinking on my wedding night"

the Xx

La Liga!

What did the Pacific say to the Atlantic?

Featured Post

There was and there wasn't...

weird fishes

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