--Oh, shit, kid, you just pissed your pants!
-- I'm little man Tate. Clipperships.
-- (Luis Guzman) Clipperships? Oh, man!
-- I'm little man Tate. Clipperships.
-- (Luis Guzman) Clipperships? Oh, man!
Live from the Comedy Store
--I read in the newspaper today, "Fred vows to kill a lion everyday to make the Brazil world cup squad."
Wow, I've heard of press conferences, but he really stepped it up a notch! Next time, you gotta assume he'll be slaughtering a goat!
- Who's Fred?
-- Usually in press conferences it's the Bolton manager, hoping his team wins the game! Hey! Let go of me! Don't you people read the Telegraph?
Lil' 'bra TrubleZume - boxcar, baby
I'm like a boxcar that don't break
babydoll no oil leak
no rust
on the part of the metal
no rust!
no fuss!
but i'll leave without you,
i won't break
no rust
no fuss, babydoll
I remember when I met you
you thought I'd hesitate
but I fooled you
that night
the lights were beaming
the stars from your eyes
and my gold teeth
but baby, i move without ya
i'm like a train,
boxcar, coming at you?
...Yo Lev, should the last line be move without ya, or....
The Most Terrible Band in the world, who is the most Popular
( Press Conference)
-- we are The Most Terrible Band in the world, who is the most Popular.
- Hello, I am __ J. Levinstein, The Most Terrible Band in the world, who is the most Popular will field some questions, but they can only afford 15 minutes (big grin)
-- What does it mean to sport a goatee?
-- ( band member Chad #1) Oh, it's all about the sport. Sporting is what I'm about. Without sporting, I wouldn't be who I am.
-- To the Guitarist? : Does it bother you that people say you workout and you have broad shoulders--
_ ( band member Chad #2) It's doesn't bother me. I'm Chad!
-- But sir, you have been seen in clubs, in the coast, wearing tight shirts.
-- (band member Chad#2). Gene, the weather was like that when I got there. Now on the advice of counsel (Levinstein, big grin)--
- Johnson, take a statement. I shall dictate it.
- This is Anderson, sir.
- Dear sirs, important jesuits of the court
- That's pretty good, sir
- I am a mild, well-mannered employee of the city...a journalist, even. If you convict me this very calm and understanding morning, the city shall fall in the hands of evil and third layer of depravity, after which we all shall fall. Good Day, Mr. Cunningham Helmsley. Read that back to me, Johnson.
- This is Anderson, sir.
- Dear sirs, important jesuits of the court
- That's pretty good, sir
- I am a mild, well-mannered employee of the city...a journalist, even. If you convict me this very calm and understanding morning, the city shall fall in the hands of evil and third layer of depravity, after which we all shall fall. Good Day, Mr. Cunningham Helmsley. Read that back to me, Johnson.
- Of course, back then you get any girl west of the Mason-Dixon line, saying my brother would wrestle at all hours with Injun Joe, and I'd send her West of the Mississippi! No one's going to stand around--no one in their right mind, at least--saying of my brother wrestling, and the like! Like my brother would be wrestling! I would give them a mind! And they know!
I remember when everybody was to or -for, in the issue of reform. Of course, back then it meant, all the boys who ran up to Canada, to avoid the war and all,
-- What my brother said, 'To Avoid the Big Dick.' He always was peculiar with his words, but I assume Richard Dixon from his thoughts. He joined the army at a young age, and sometimes when Kylie and Brenden would come over in third grade, he would like to wrestle them.
I always liked the summertime. Sandy Mae lived next block over, and my mother met her mom, so it was like okay, if she came over. My brother would always come out the room when Sallie Mae would bring her brothers over. It was like, we were family--he would always wrestle them, and wrestle them.
When I realized Sally Mae was a twat and had been sleeping with her Spanish tutor, I told my brother Fred, but he kept wrestling, and wrestling--I didn't want to bother them.
the multi language expo, team, maybe with teams
-- Sell that one, Johnson. Sell that one.
-- Sir, I didn't know. I though you fired me.
-- Sell that one, Johnson. sell that one.
-- Sir, I feel like life's a building, collapsed upon me.
-- That's clever, Johnson.
-- And jerks are stories, like my teeth, crumpled in tea
-- Johnson, I'm pretty sure you should never repeat that. Johnson! I want you on my side.
- Sir! That's a great honor! I thought you fired me! This is really good for me.
-- Johnson, you are a pervert and I have to let you go. Now don't let this put a damper on our evening....Du, sexu-al hivand-es, and I have to let you go. But that's just only if you think of it in one language! Johnson, I have an whole evening planned out for you!
fuck off, Van Morrison! Yo get this loser out of here, and check his wallets, too!
Oh, the night is carefully interwoven,
but the night for one more dance.
Oh, the night is dangerously of spoken
by our parents, when we were young.
And the night, oh--but it's distasteful
by now, my young.
Can I, but more one dance?
by now, my love?
Can I,
what's a* romance
Aristocrats!
Can I, but one more dance,
by now, my love?
....oh and you know the night, Gloria!
I will have, you!
(0rolly some drums)
like steps
(And the piano)
played by some hollywood hooker save the hookers band
and then
(0rolly some drums)
like steps
(And the piano)
played by some hollywood hooker save the hookers band
and then
* by now, i think i pretty much forgot the song
This is how I imagine it will go down:
- (Howard) Eathkhash, you have mooned me.
- (Eatkhash) Suck bricks!
-(Howard) Oh, what a witty wording
- ((Eatkhash) Suck a fuck, Howard.
- ((Howard) Eatkhash, you are a fine specimen, putting me to shame.
- (Eatkhash) Suck the shits outta my ass, Howard!
- (Howard) Eatkhash, you are Langsten Hughes!
and then some bass lines,
and we start jammin
I have to go to court in the morning. I'm not done drinking. That's one case off my back.
I'll go in, still crying: here, here's your stupid paper, signed off by my racist supervisor. I mean, did you even see the face of Mrs. Petit? That's her face, right there! On the camera--she was raped and strangled, minutes after that! That's her face! Those are her eyes. That's a mother. That's a human being.
That fuckin sucks.
I was watching the Chesire Murders on HBO last night. I remember reading of that case sometime ago. I disturbed me to a degree that I'm certsin others also reached. I caught it halfway through. Then I smoked some weed and watched the whole thing again. I wanted to see everybody's face. I wanted the entire profound effect. I researched the latest developments in the death penalty phase, and caught some interviews with the killers. I wanted to hear their words. The younger one, I believe, is a pyschopath. The bald one, I,ve been trying to grasp, how much he hates himself. I went to sleep thinking about the murderers. It's much easier, the fascination with Man's ability to induce terror, than that moment for the victims, that it consumes your entire being. A young girl burning alive. A little girl raped on a cell phone video--how the fuck do you deal with that? I woke up three times in the night. I locked my windows, and checked on them. Sometimes, maybe I thought I got up, but I was still dreaming.
- Yo, this guy's taking a shit.
- Yo, word.
- (third guy) I hear that.
- (second guy) Yo, who that?
- (Enter James Montgomery Cunningham Helmsly) Oh, that, that's my dear friend Johnson. He is...unwell.
- Yo, man, I think he sniffing panties, yo! I know that smell, and that shit is ultra-pungent, ahaha--feel me?
- Very good, very good, indeed! (Knocks on door) Johnson, I think you have put us in a position here.
taking a shit, a real man's countenance
You ain't going anywhere!
You ain't going anywhere,
and you know it.
In a room, by yourself,
in your Kirkland underwear,
dripping one bottle into another.
And spraying for ants!
...all night, just spraying for ants.
You're a miserable cunt
and you know it.
Shit, you wish.
You can be spraying for ants,
but I'm leaving.
That's because I clean up after you!
My whole life, just cleaning....
Well, what do you want me to say?
That bed bugs, bed bugs!
Are my closest friends?
What are you trying to say?
Are you impling?..
No! No, you can't be imply-
-My Best Friends! Everyday I know they will be there!
Go! go...
go, away from here.
Don't come back with your anger on me.
You ain't going anywhere,
and you know it.
In a room, by yourself,
in your Kirkland underwear,
dripping one bottle into another.
And spraying for ants!
...all night, just spraying for ants.
You're a miserable cunt
and you know it.
Shit, you wish.
You can be spraying for ants,
but I'm leaving.
That's because I clean up after you!
My whole life, just cleaning....
Well, what do you want me to say?
That bed bugs, bed bugs!
Are my closest friends?
What are you trying to say?
Are you impling?..
No! No, you can't be imply-
-My Best Friends! Everyday I know they will be there!
Go! go...
go, away from here.
Don't come back with your anger on me.
Los Blancos are in town. Saturday night, Dodger stadium. Eatkhash finally gets the call.
Zidane is standing, clapping...Ronaldo comes in for a picture
-Get the hell out of my spotlight, Ronaldo!
I say to him, magnanimously.
It's the bottom of the 9th,
I get the final shot,
the bases are loaded!
The crowd is going wild,
Andre the Giant is lugging a bathtub,
James Worthy is eating children,
The crowd is going wild,
Andre the Giant is lugging a bathtub,
James Worthy is eating children,
free throw, shwish!
touchdown!
touchdown!
touchdown!
- Johnson, where is Johnson?
- (from a distance, arriving) Right here, sir!
- Johnson! Oh, good! You have been missing.
- Sorry sir, I was in the hospital--
-- You have been away.
-- Yes, sir, I have a problem--
-- Johnson! I want you in our latest effort.
-- Stealing panties, Sir!
-- Johnson! Let's not speak nonsense. Let's us be honest.
-- Sir! Yes, sir.
-- What are we missing?
-- Panties, sir!
-- Johnson, you're smarter than you look. I want you spear-heading this thing,
- Sir, Yes Sir!
- Really streamlining. Now do you know what that means?
--Sir, Yes Sir!
-- Good. Streamlining.
Paul Thomas Anderson is best known for "There Will Be Blood" and for movie buffs, "Boogie Nights." But his greatest work, I feel, is a jewel called "Magnolia." There, he basically got carte blanche from the studio to do whatever he wanted, following the sucess of "Boogie Nights." "Magnolia" is the greatest film I've ever encountered, and I'll die a happy man knowning I've loved her.
- Yo, it's yo boy, Lil 'bra, live at redding studios, 97.1
- Mr. lil boy.
- Wasup! Wasup! wasup! Wasup!
- Sir, good sir. The rumors we heard are true.
- Hello?
- You are an enemy of Rev. Jess Jackson!
- Are we on?
- Are we on, indeed! Good sir! Evading like a snake, a fornicator! with white woman!
- Yo man, I think....it's like Mick Jagger before a Stones concert!
- ( concert promotor). Shut up! You hate jews! You are an anti-semite.
- Excuse me?
- You're fired! I'm firing you. You're an anti-semite.
- Sir, I'm pretty sure that wasn't a Spielberg movie
- You're fired. Get out! You hate Jews. You're an anti semite, you hate the child in the red balloon! You support Palestine! You're a terrorist.
- I wish I never quit playing piano, Sir!
- I wish I never quit playing piano, Sir!
Black people are the best at sports...
Best at sports...
How bout Hockey? ...best at sports
How bout foxy boxing? ...best at sports!
How bout Hockey? ...best at sports
How bout foxy boxing? ...best at sports!
- Little Brother Troublesome...
- Listen, I'm sick of you white weather girls moving your ass like the chimes of time. My name is Lil' 'bra Trublezome. I've been on this show three times in the last month! I ain't no children eater. I feel like because my older brother, is banging that blond chick, yea....hehe, ya, that Her. I ain't getting no respect!
- No respect?
- Bitch, I said no respect!
Lil' 'Bra TrubleZume - Cumbersome
The wily to the nily,
baby, im spitfire,
I'm hot when you need it!
Yo, I know your man
goes to work for the man
and by workin he be workin
for the man, Gerald,
and by workin he be workin
for the man, Gerald,
and I know you
When he gets home,
that's why you run to your man
that's why you run to your man
Baby, I got you!
An old wise man once told me, baby,
"Yo I got this!"
So if you seeking pleasure on the brine,
baby, this here yo palace on the brine!
Yo, I know he can't be comforting you much,
Baby, he cumbersome!
Ugh!
Lil 'bra,
ain't not cumbersome!
There's an ant in my cup.
There's an ant in my cup.
There's an ant in my cup.
There's an ant in my cup!
There's an ant in your cup?
There's an ant in my cup!
If he thinks he's getting off scot-free!
(Congraulations, soldeir.
You did it clean.
You made us proud.)
I'm going to drink that cup!
You're going to drink that cup?
I'm going to drink that cup!
And I will change my son's diaper.
There's an ant in my cup.
There's an ant in my cup.
There's an ant in my cup!
There's an ant in your cup?
There's an ant in my cup!
If he thinks he's getting off scot-free!
(Congraulations, soldeir.
You did it clean.
You made us proud.)
I'm going to drink that cup!
You're going to drink that cup?
I'm going to drink that cup!
And I will change my son's diaper.
- The dogs are hungry, sir.
- Did you tell them I'll sell them to China.
- Yes sir, they saw you eating BBQ ribs, earlier.
-...Shit.
-They're going to be waiting for awhile.
- Well then tell them to open the goddamn refrigerator door! I'm doing some high-tech stuff here.
- Yes, sir. I think they're looking at you funny, sir! Sir, if I may, I think they are turning into the children of the corn.
- Will you shut up, Johnson! They are not turning into the children of the corn.
- Sir, I think they know about the panties I stole.
- Johnson, I'm pretty sure even your mother knows about that.
- Sir, I think they know I stole all those panties.
- Did you tell them I'll sell them to China.
- Yes sir, they saw you eating BBQ ribs, earlier.
-...Shit.
-They're going to be waiting for awhile.
- Well then tell them to open the goddamn refrigerator door! I'm doing some high-tech stuff here.
- Yes, sir. I think they're looking at you funny, sir! Sir, if I may, I think they are turning into the children of the corn.
- Will you shut up, Johnson! They are not turning into the children of the corn.
- Sir, I think they know about the panties I stole.
- Johnson, I'm pretty sure even your mother knows about that.
- Sir, I think they know I stole all those panties.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
