Unnatural Sleep (2008)
I don't know if I slept. I don't know if I can take credit for the little vignettes my mind created. He was sitting there in the front seat, talking trash, and I in the back. Oddly, I thought I was driving. I didn't like the remarks he made about my shoes, because his were brown mountain hiking shoes and he said that's the way to go. His culture and mine, we think completely unlike. He wouldn't spend that much money on clothes and on cars- that is to say, on the brands that determine those prices. But he has a cozy home, probably invests in stocks, will teach his children the value of independence and earning your own dollar. He has visited the Grand Canyon and the Nation's Capital and Hearst Castel..and Virginia. I thought I would slyly steal the money from his wallet, I don't know how, but I could distinctly feel that the money would somehow be in my hand. I could take it and when I woke up he couldn't hold it against me. I opened my eyes, and I thought the same, that I need to do it, I'm going to do it. That's when I realized - my eyes were open and it hit me, that I was on my couch, the room was dark except for some buzz. My own buzz was basically useless and transitory. This time I knew it would be impossible; the only way was to sneak into his home maybe another day, like an ordinary robber. The impulse left me; even if I had succeeded in getting the cash, as much as I squeezed my eyes, the money would not materialize. So I closed my eyes again and I was into another vignette. I would be in the exact same state after my buzz as before, with only my sensations allowing me to stray from the normal state of things.
He trash talks Jesus over a game of chess, he is...
"The Most Interesting Man in the World"
(that one's mine).
although my favorite one is, "His anecdotes have sub-plots."
(that one's mine).
although my favorite one is, "His anecdotes have sub-plots."
Lines Composed Reading John Donne Remembering What's Been Done (2007)
His Mistress Going to Bed.
If, tis beneficial to one's health,
T'will make life longer -
then, you fuckin whore
you're going to live forever
If, tis beneficial to one's health,
T'will make life longer -
then, you fuckin whore
you're going to live forever
XanaX (2008)
The best part was when we were driving across the bridge and I could see the roller-coaster park on the ocean. I had a fear of heights but I loved how high the ride would go.
I'm a kid again. I love to cuddle in bed with my blanket, and never leave. Like a cold morning before school, I just peed and ran back. My groove is warm. I never ever want to leave!
I'm a kid again. I love to cuddle in bed with my blanket, and never leave. Like a cold morning before school, I just peed and ran back. My groove is warm. I never ever want to leave!
afterwards it didn't make sense, what happened to my bike? (2008)
I was waiting in my car for the girls to come out. I went to the back window where I could see into a room that was dark except for a light from the hall. I slid the window open because it was unlocked, and went in. I opened the drawer where the girls kept their underwear, and grabbed a handful of bra and panty. Pink ones with padding, I didn't like the padding, but the panties were soft and touched her skin. I stuffed the loot in my pants and ran out. I saw one of the girls walk out into the park, I guess to meet someone, and at that moment I drove away. I hoped they would not remember me waiting there in the evening.
School was getting out and we all walked across the street to the park. I was walking near a skinny black woman with frail gray hair and cheekbones, and I said, "Hey, mamma, you wanna to buy some underwear?" She smiled and said, "maybe, if they're cheap, like three dollars." I said I'd give her two for six dollars. She agreed and I took out the pink underwear from my pants. I was on my bike and she was sitting on the wooden bench. She took out from her purse a twenty and a single dollar. Before she could say anything, I said to give me the twenty and I could give her back change. She gave me the bill and I started to run away. I looked back to see what her face looked like and what she was saying, but everything was slow and I was afraid of her reaching me.
School was getting out and we all walked across the street to the park. I was walking near a skinny black woman with frail gray hair and cheekbones, and I said, "Hey, mamma, you wanna to buy some underwear?" She smiled and said, "maybe, if they're cheap, like three dollars." I said I'd give her two for six dollars. She agreed and I took out the pink underwear from my pants. I was on my bike and she was sitting on the wooden bench. She took out from her purse a twenty and a single dollar. Before she could say anything, I said to give me the twenty and I could give her back change. She gave me the bill and I started to run away. I looked back to see what her face looked like and what she was saying, but everything was slow and I was afraid of her reaching me.
...
My belly's grown bigger. It happened one day. Before I could see it, I felt it. I walked around and I had to carry it. A reminder of my sloth, of my indulgences; of my selfishness, of my spite; of my actions, of my actions.
and when it rains, it pours
Hold your head
in your hands,
and just let it go.
Hey,
it's okay.
No none's here.
in your hands,
and just let it go.
Hey,
it's okay.
No none's here.
famous blue raincoat
by Leonard Cohen
It's four in the morning, the end of december
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New york is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on clinton street all through the evening.
I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.
Yes, and jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?
Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without lili marlene
And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.
Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see jane's awake --
She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.
If you ever come by here, for jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.
Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.
And jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
-- sincerely, l. cohen
It's four in the morning, the end of december
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New york is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on clinton street all through the evening.
I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.
Yes, and jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?
Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without lili marlene
And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.
Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see jane's awake --
She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.
If you ever come by here, for jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.
Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.
And jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
-- sincerely, l. cohen
magnolia
...and the book says we may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us!
barf
barf
disgruntled
I don't know what the big deal is about brushing your teeth. It's like a retirement account, very boring to me. I went three days with the same clothes, or Id walk around the street shirtless with my dogs, not caring who sees my hairy body. Everyday I was surprised and impressed at where I woke up. I tried to masterbate, but I could barely concentrate as reality swung and missed at me. Jerking off to porn was like a TV dinner I didn't need before sleep - it was dull and drowsy, it lacked the the rapture of pounding raw meat, it was beer instead of methamphetamine. I was fed up with this day's existence, but I couldn't stop laughing at the thought that someone actually sat down and wrote this dialogue, and here I was clinging to his art. I would argue with myself, "concentrate, asshole!". I'm the kind of guy that will give himself a black eye and a fat lip. Then I stood in front of the mirror- this one I hadn't punched out yet- and let the facuet run. I gotta piss, hold on. Well, that was only a couple driplets- why are you wasting our time?
Then I cupped my hands. I splashed it all over my face, and I felt sparklets in my hair seeping behind my ear then carefree sliiding down my neck. I let the water take me, my skin, my soul with all its purity. I tried to tell myself that I love you, and the path you're on is really hurting us.
He goes, "fuck off, loser."
Then I cupped my hands. I splashed it all over my face, and I felt sparklets in my hair seeping behind my ear then carefree sliiding down my neck. I let the water take me, my skin, my soul with all its purity. I tried to tell myself that I love you, and the path you're on is really hurting us.
He goes, "fuck off, loser."
...
I think it has to do
with the serotonin or dopamine
levels in your brain.
No matter what you do,
if you feel depressed
call it a come-down
but I think your brain
is just worn out.
with the serotonin or dopamine
levels in your brain.
No matter what you do,
if you feel depressed
call it a come-down
but I think your brain
is just worn out.
bad fish
by Sublime
When you grab a hold of me
You tell me that I'll never be set free
I'm a parasite,
creep and crawl I step into the night.
Two pints of booze
Tell me are you a badfish too? Are you a badfish too?
Ain't got no money to spend
I know the night will never end
Lord knows I'm weak
Won't somebody get me off of this reef
Baby your a big blue whale
Grab the reef when all duck diving fails
I swim but wish I never learned
The water's too polluted with germs
I dive deep when it's ten feet overhead
Grab the reef underneath my bed
Ain't got no quarrels with god
Ain't got no time to grow old
Lord knows I'm weak
Won't somebody get me off of this reef
Ain't got no quarrels with God
Ain't got no time to grow old
Lord knows I'm weak
Won't somebody get me off of this reef
When you grab a hold of me
You tell me that I'll never be set free
I'm a parasite,
creep and crawl I step into the night.
Two pints of booze
Tell me are you a badfish too? Are you a badfish too?
Ain't got no money to spend
I know the night will never end
Lord knows I'm weak
Won't somebody get me off of this reef
Baby your a big blue whale
Grab the reef when all duck diving fails
I swim but wish I never learned
The water's too polluted with germs
I dive deep when it's ten feet overhead
Grab the reef underneath my bed
Ain't got no quarrels with god
Ain't got no time to grow old
Lord knows I'm weak
Won't somebody get me off of this reef
Ain't got no quarrels with God
Ain't got no time to grow old
Lord knows I'm weak
Won't somebody get me off of this reef
Forever27
Amy, Jim, Jimi, and Janis
talking in a room, Kurt's smoking.
Bradley Nowell, someone puts his arm around him,
and he says I miss my dog.
And then Chris Farley runs around with his fat ass,
just smiling.
"Hey, asshole, you're late!"
And then he starts making them all laugh.
talking in a room, Kurt's smoking.
Bradley Nowell, someone puts his arm around him,
and he says I miss my dog.
And then Chris Farley runs around with his fat ass,
just smiling.
"Hey, asshole, you're late!"
And then he starts making them all laugh.
give 'em a brain and this is what happens
My dogs have gotten used to me walking them,
wearing them out on the long trek to the liquer store,
cupping my hands so they can have some water.
Lately, I haven't felt like leaving the house.
They go, "Hey man, what the fuck?"
I go, "Shut up, dogs, at least I don't microwave you."
That motherfucker should die!
No trial. No jury.
No fuckin greedy defense attorney.
Ahhh! just let me get my hands on him.
Do you ever read shit on the news,
And imagine what it would be like
to be a puppy with unconditional love,
just tortured, tortured till it dies?
it probably clawed and barked and screamed, whimpered.
Humans are the most disgusting things.
At least animals kill to eat.
Come, Armageddon, Come!
At the end all that I could say,
at least that dog's not suffering anymore.
This cockersucker, after all his appeals
Will still be able to jerk off in his cell.
Hopefully there's true justice inside,
waiting for him.
wearing them out on the long trek to the liquer store,
cupping my hands so they can have some water.
Lately, I haven't felt like leaving the house.
They go, "Hey man, what the fuck?"
I go, "Shut up, dogs, at least I don't microwave you."
That motherfucker should die!
No trial. No jury.
No fuckin greedy defense attorney.
Ahhh! just let me get my hands on him.
Do you ever read shit on the news,
And imagine what it would be like
to be a puppy with unconditional love,
just tortured, tortured till it dies?
it probably clawed and barked and screamed, whimpered.
Humans are the most disgusting things.
At least animals kill to eat.
Come, Armageddon, Come!
At the end all that I could say,
at least that dog's not suffering anymore.
This cockersucker, after all his appeals
Will still be able to jerk off in his cell.
Hopefully there's true justice inside,
waiting for him.
A land more violent and varied than our own
They must have not heard of the woman getting gangraped
by two men in front of her husband and children.
Then the daughter.
Then burning flesh.
The sea will flush 'em all away.
by two men in front of her husband and children.
Then the daughter.
Then burning flesh.
The sea will flush 'em all away.
She just joined Forever 27
Thanks for the music, words, and soul. I always wanted to meet you. I'll miss you.
Svend Sweat (and L. Cohen ripoff)
Mads Mikkelsen - the green butchers, pusher I &II, after the wedding, adam's apples, flame & citron, open hearts (this movie pissed me off, i never finished it)
Milo from pusher 3, is probably the coolest.
---
i tried to leave you
i don't deny
that i chased you
at least one hundred
more times
the years go by
you lose your pride
and still i try
to put you down
but i chase you,
(daily)
one hundred more times
10/10
Milo from pusher 3, is probably the coolest.
---
i tried to leave you
i don't deny
that i chased you
at least one hundred
more times
the years go by
you lose your pride
and still i try
to put you down
but i chase you,
(daily)
one hundred more times
10/10
my WC Xl
GK - casillas (real madrid, baby)
D - Puyol
D - Pique
D - Uruguay captain, fair hair
D - Maicon
M - Schwinsteiger
M - Xavi
M - Muller
M - Sneijder (madrid reject, won treble on madrid soil, up yours Perez!)
F - Forlan
F - David Villa
3 subs
-Robben
-Messi
-Gyan
Olympic Diver - Iniesta
Over-rated - eternally England
D - Puyol
D - Pique
D - Uruguay captain, fair hair
D - Maicon
M - Schwinsteiger
M - Xavi
M - Muller
M - Sneijder (madrid reject, won treble on madrid soil, up yours Perez!)
F - Forlan
F - David Villa
3 subs
-Robben
-Messi
-Gyan
Olympic Diver - Iniesta
Over-rated - eternally England
...
A hooker is not a whore.
She is what she is and no more.
She lingers on the streets
like we long to let it bleed;
She masquerades
but otherwise has no face,
unless you name her.
You can be witty -
dirty, drunk in sorrow,
like clowns repenting tomorrow-
none of it is shared.
When passion is corrupted,
baseless energy misguided,
and your screams turn into a whimper,
maybe you can even thank her.
She is what she is and no more.
She lingers on the streets
like we long to let it bleed;
She masquerades
but otherwise has no face,
unless you name her.
You can be witty -
dirty, drunk in sorrow,
like clowns repenting tomorrow-
none of it is shared.
When passion is corrupted,
baseless energy misguided,
and your screams turn into a whimper,
maybe you can even thank her.
Synecdoche, New York
"What was once before you,
an exciting, mysterious future,
is now behind you
Lived, Understood, Disappointed.
You realize you are not special.
You have struggled into existence
and are now slipping silently out of it.
This is everyone's experience..."
an exciting, mysterious future,
is now behind you
Lived, Understood, Disappointed.
You realize you are not special.
You have struggled into existence
and are now slipping silently out of it.
This is everyone's experience..."
has the light gone out for you?
"Because the light's gone out for me.
This is the 21st Century.
This is the 21st Century."
This is the 21st Century.
This is the 21st Century."
like a hamster on its plaything
He would wallow in what
he had already showed.
He never ran out of material.
...
There is nothing there.
I have looked.
Oh! how many times
before I have looked .
on sundance
Newark, New Jersey
drive-bys and council members
fighting for re-election;
Jerry Seinfeld
talking about his
Porsche collection.
This is still a
fun boyish world.
drive-bys and council members
fighting for re-election;
Jerry Seinfeld
talking about his
Porsche collection.
This is still a
fun boyish world.
the effects of weed
car cashes
turn into video games
car cashes
are good advertising
for car companies
car cashes
on my TV
i am fodder
for the news
(as they broadcast
they bring me
into their world)
turn into video games
car cashes
are good advertising
for car companies
car cashes
on my TV
i am fodder
for the news
(as they broadcast
they bring me
into their world)
...
I got a blanket in the wind.
Stop here, I guess.
I want the world
when all I have is home.
I was a teenage runaway,
I never reached my goals.
I want what I want.
I never appreciated home.
Stop here, I guess.
I want the world
when all I have is home.
I was a teenage runaway,
I never reached my goals.
I want what I want.
I never appreciated home.
speed
In bed I would salivate,
saliva creeping from my mouth.
hush,
hush,
A light through the window
during the night.
(My heart is pounding.)
I'm a creep in the night.
saliva creeping from my mouth.
hush,
hush,
A light through the window
during the night.
(My heart is pounding.)
I'm a creep in the night.
How it works
He invalidated me
back into my illusions.
That bastard bluffed me again!
It takes you from the intellectual to the primal.
And in between and all around there's insanity.
back into my illusions.
That bastard bluffed me again!
It takes you from the intellectual to the primal.
And in between and all around there's insanity.
fight for life to stay alive, I've had it with this world...
End it all,
but struggle to live.
You can't help it,
your limbs kick.
You can be calm, you can be serene,
you can be numb,
but you'll still scream.
but struggle to live.
You can't help it,
your limbs kick.
You can be calm, you can be serene,
you can be numb,
but you'll still scream.
On the prowl
Girls walkin down the street,
- tight butt in jeans -
talkin on their cell phones,
always smilin.'
(Those butterflies will bring them to their knees.)
I wish they would stop talking,
and let me do my thing.
I want to ravish them,
really sweep 'em off their feet.
- tight butt in jeans -
talkin on their cell phones,
always smilin.'
(Those butterflies will bring them to their knees.)
I wish they would stop talking,
and let me do my thing.
I want to ravish them,
really sweep 'em off their feet.
the stranger song
"it's hard to hold the hand of anyone
who is reaching for the sky just to surrender
who is reaching for the sky just to surrender"
who is reaching for the sky just to surrender
who is reaching for the sky just to surrender"
lost in translation
I know why
they call it
the cultural belly,
i know why
i know why -
You eat
(and eat)
and you're still hungry -
i know why,
i know why
they call it
the cultural belly,
i know why
i know why -
You eat
(and eat)
and you're still hungry -
i know why,
i know why
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