I wonder what your life is like.  I didn't have a toothpick, so I used a pen head.  I dunno, I dunno what I'm doing.

"What do you want?"

I couldn't answer it.  Never could.

Perfect question.  What tact.  I mean, who the hell—

What about the driver?

Throw in a little Seinfeld, why not.

Vhcd

Bbvz

Ffkff

Gfcg

quite drunk

Say it loud...

...say it Proud.  We can

- But I'm not gay

- Join in, big guy

- But I'm not gay. I'm just trying to get across the street.

- Come on, Big Chest

- I'm just trying to cross the street, to that Asian fellow, the vendor across the street selling shaved ice.  I was hoping for some condensed milk.  Never mind the boba—No boba!

- What's the hold up?

- He's confused!  

- In this day and age?

- He wants boba.

- No boba!  You gays think you got it—

- What did he call us?

- I think he called us queer, Jack.

- I didn't call you you queer.  No, I didn't call you queer.

- What's your problem, Jack?

- Man, I just want some condensed milk.

- He just wants some condensed milk.  That's adorable!

- Oh, in this day and age! C'mon, Brother, you feel more comfortable now?

- You gays think you know everything

- C'mon buddy, join in.

- Fudge off, I need him to drizzle on some condensed milk. You guys ain't know shit. For a dollar? That's the real—

- Ain't know shit?

- He's Jim Jones!

Dvds

Fbgdc

-Mike, how am I ever going to get auto insurance?

- What do you mean, Janelle?

- I've shopped online, and the quotes those other guys gave me are just way out of my budget.

- You looked all around, Janey?

- It's Janelle.  Yea, even the bus stop ads!

-  Well, I got a number for you.  Are you ready?  It's 1- 866-666-4020.

- But my credit is whack; my ex—

- No credit?  Bad credit?  Double 0 Negative Credit?  No Problem!

- You mean someone will give me and my broken credit a shot?

- Of course!  They got you!  866 Six Sixty-Six, 4020.

- What's that number again?

- It's 866 Six Sixty-Six, 4020.

- Mike, what's that number again?

- Bitch, you stupid!

I don't think i fully grasp the concept of a painful, painful death.  Hopefully I'll get get more sucidal when the time comes.

 

Fvh

Ft

Doc says I have Mad Cow Disease.

I said, "You're the cow!" And stormed out of there.

I don't know if I want a doctor who curses.

Things I learned from MPR today

There is a shortage of French fries in Japan.

The national average today children receive for a tooth from the tooth fairy: $4.17

 It is better to get a penny a day compounded for 30 days than $10000 a day for 30 days.  Maybe I'm missing a word or two.

Compound interest is great for savings, hell for debts

Babe, do not go to Japan.  I repeat, they are out of French fries!

Obama betrayed the Iraqi Sunni's in 2010 during the Iraqi election when—dammit, missed the exit

 

when a pillow is solid, and not stupid soft:

"ooooooh-oh-ho!  this is the life!"

It's a good thing he didn't run into the Edible Eats van, I mean that's a lot of fruit and chocolate!

the LBC

Everything's bigger in Texas!

faggedabdid

A good friend of mine, he saved up his money for a trip to Germany.  I was jealous of his marriage, job, and new Camry.  

He was sitting at the terminal enjoying tea with sugar cubes and Persian shortbread.  He was detained by homeland secuirty because I had phoned the authorities and told them he was on his way to join ISIS. 

i like to chew taffy sometimes

guess ive run out of material, i only think about 1 of 3 things all the time, none of which are worth thinking about

i like my new sleeping quadrants, free of triggers

a little bit of chill

and a large large blanket

makes for good sleep

You know how people say, " Go ahead and...?"

No?  Oh, she's just being coy.  Well, I went ahead and purchased a Chelada from Bud-light because I have nothing against Americans, and a Chelada from Modelo, as I have nothing against Mexicans.

why stay awake

Lrg, woman—I've been waiting 8 months for the Shamrock Shake.  Fogedaboodid.

I think i have those pajamas, the one the guy's wearing at the chow line

crude man, but nice taste

Honey bear, honeybear!

Who knew a priest could become a rockstar?  

im naming my next dog juan carlos

a dried up piece of bread, the green part of a red tomato, and a slab of cheese with its own slab of cheese

she's left me like an abandoned dog

im at a smoothie place, and i em im going to go sleep in my car for a few minutes, you wouldnt happen to have a pilow would ya?

guy goes in the back and brings me out a pillow

green mussel soup

Virgin bar drinks—wonderful

v bloody mary

worchester

tabasico

lemon

lime

rock like salt

celery

and the necessary

mineral water

lemon

shitload of salt

great!

It's the biggest conspiracy western liberal women have!  ...well, they gotta have like three or four more, off the top of my head

It's the biggest conspiracy western liberal women have!  ...well, they gotta have like three or four more, off the top of my head

in going to name my nezt dog juan carlos.

happy KC day, brother

skittles

whiskey

diet coke

work shitter

babe dreams new guy at the wedding

retard

Gfvvc

Vccvc

Vvvc

Xcvb

Dcvn

Gfvn

Dxcvm

Vvde

Dcvm

I did.    I did wear my Paul Smith socks.  First time I wore them.  I don't have one, I have like three.

.,y e e aleaya instead ph 

Ues, o will tell ypi my bigesy fuckib darkesy sextey , bit i've moved on—kixked my dig aof afain, well, yes i will tell u , you my iutfif

went to my friiend's wedding