I'm the hetamnats.
I'm a bit wary of going to sleep tonight. Last couple nights my mind's been scheming in my dreams, quite accurately too. I need some help. I've been trying to reach out more, and tell on myself. Anyway, all jokes aside, here is a list of the Greatest Events of 2014:
3. The day I thought I crossed the line, from playing crazy to plain crazy.
2. La Decima: Ramos' 92nd minute equalizer.
1. 4 - 0 :)~
- Last week, I think we made some real progress. While I see it's difficult for your husband to express his feelings—and I understand that—I think we are on the right track.
- Why, because he said he wants to zuma boom boom?
- Woman, it's a zooma zoom zoom, and a boom boom.
- Don't call me that. I hate it when you call me that.
- Listen to her, Quantrell.
- (Quantrell) Well, now I feel like I got the two of you going at me.
- Nobody's going after you. We're not here—
- (Quantrell) Cause if it's two girls they better be with a pumps and a bump.
- (doc) A pumps and a bump?
- A pumps and a bump!?
(door swung open by a rude man)
- (doc) Excuse me! I'm in the middle of a session!
- (rude man) Where's Esther? I saw her come in here.
- (doc) You have no right to barge in here! Leave now before I call security.
- (rude man) That slut!
- (Quantrell) Hey, show some respect. There are women present. There won't be a need for extra security, doc; I'll be cold flowin on him like a faucet.
- (his wife) He can be so sweet sometimes, doctor.
- (Quantrell) Girl, I want to write you a 1000 beats then turn them into ballads and R&B. I freakin' dig you, baby!
feeling kinda manic tonight
feeling kinda manic tonight
can't stop singing tonight
can't stop a singing tonight
luck! be a lady, tonight
feeling kinda manic tonight
feeling kinda manic tonight
feeling kinda manic tonight
feeling kinda manic tonight
can't stop a singing
can't stop and eating
can't stop a breathing,
luck! be a lady tonight
...
...
(Silence)
...Bless! your! heart! you got your head in the clouds
you made a fool out of me and now i'll seek counsel
...cause nobody gets to feed my fish but me
oh luck! be a lady tonight
ring ring
- Ahoy hoy?
- What's good?
- Just listing.
- Ah, me too. I was doing some goodass listing earlier this evening.
- Name one right now!
- List of my favorite Exports of Papa New Guinea. Bam!
- ...damn, that is good. Nicely done. You can really go wild with that one. Which topped the list?
- Platnium, child.
- Of course. I'm making a list of my Elementary Schoolteachers by How Poignant the Coffee Breath.
- Not bad. Not bad at all. What are you doing tomorrow?
- Eating khash.
- Great, I love khash.
- You've never had khash.
- Yea, but I think I love it.
- Then I'll probably sleep the whole day. Come by; we'll compare lists.
- Sounds good.
- Only we shouldn't sit so close together.
- Oh, cause of the garlic?
- Yea.
- Shit, I was planning on asking that girl out at the hawaiian joint.
- You haven't asked her out yet?
- I'm working on it.
- She wants a stallion, ____.
- And I'm going to make her dream come true. I'm warming her up. First, we talk about fish; then we talk about love.
- Well said. Hey, you take care of that.
- Things will get done. I gotta go; I'm trying to open up a can of Spam.
- Never had it.
- You've never had Spam?
- I'm an immigrant, ____. I don't even know what the fuck is in it.
- Nobody knows what's in it.
- All right, see ya.
- Have a good night. I love you. You're my best friend.
lists. lists are the best thing you can do for yourself. list, list everything. don't live—list. list of your favorite aunts, list of your favorite fonts, list of your favorite songs—shit, list of your favorite thongs. make your list. always be listing. send your list to the friends on your list, send them to your mothers and fathers, send them to your best and worst bosses, send them to new lovers and neighbors to break the ice. always be honest. never be ashamed. always be listing. show them to a waiter, the barkeep, your pastor. list everything.
Sometimes in moments of quiet self-reflection, I ask myself, will I be turned into veal, or will I fuck all them cows?
Yet eventually, a fact dawns upon me like an iceberg lettuce, and I fall into despair. What's it matter anyway? That eventually I'm going to be a hamburger eaten by some fat cow in a Mexican restaurant who doesn't like Mexican food.
Yea! the Cranberries
All my dreams...
You think I should go to the zoo? I was passing by, and thought why not? Let's make a day out of it. It's $19 bucks to get in. What you want I should
You think I should go to the zoo? I was passing by, and thought why not? Let's make a day out of it. It's $19 bucks to get in. What you want I should
Check it out, Easter!
Gonna sell them shits on the street. Make a lot of lettuce.
An ounce of that cracker. I got it.
Cheese sticks, garlic herb, some beef sausage—I got you.
A pound of candied walnuts.
By the end of the week I'll be eating salads.
Congratulations, you made my list. You know what it means to be on my list? It means you get congratulated.
I'm doing things to to promote my health, like buying it a suit. You know why? That's right, baby, cause my health is getting promoted. Very good.
Do you know what it's like when Doves cry? It's like when you see them wiping the tears from their eyes. They are embarassed.
Have you ever met a Giant Madman? He's not like a shorter madman.
ive been getting pretty blue the last couple nights. ill lie there staring at my dog while she stares at me. i don't think ill do anything drastic, prolly just drive around and look for some open chinese food, but it's like i just don't want to utilize the tools i have. naturally this is the result.
Babe, you should have seen me today. It was really something. I got into a fist fight with some, some—some real nobody, baby. So he goes—You know, I pity him, really—Well, he goes, You got beef? And I didn't have any so I said No. Then he goes, What? So I said, What? And he goes What, Bitch! Oh, that got me steaming. So I go, What, Bitch! Then he pushed me, the villain. So I tell him, you know, Don't push me; push a Push-Pop. Then he pushed me again, so I slugged him, babe. I slugged him real good, but I missed. He got a few shots in, then I punched him again but this time I didn't hit him, and he got a few more shots in. I was really going to let him have it. I wound my arm real good—I mean, he'd never want to go to another baseball game again—but then, that, that bozo, he suckerpunched me! I thought I was going to kill him, my love. I thought they were going scrap his bozo brains off the concrete and charge me with not even murder, but manslaughter. If he had stuck around for my last punch he would be a goner, but luckilly that coward had run away by the time I got to my feet.
(hold on I gotta pretend I'm texting)
I got a coke and a car. That's a can of coke and a vehicle. A motor vehicle. Get it? Good. Fuhggedaboudid.
babe-a-licious
check it my babelicious
(buum)
(bumm)
(buum buum)
my babelicious
(buum buum)
(bum)
my babelicious
...
my babelicious
(silence)
...
...
check it my babelicious she's so delicious lips like turnips face like you wanna hurt this? eyes like she knows what you can't see acts like (she acts like) she's free like the sea
so gentle...
so gentle...
Phone call waking me up at 8am like somebody died, while im getting my dream on, shiiit
I don't know how to say this. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. But it's important you understand this. Well, the thing is...
ever since....
well lately,
all i wanna do is a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom
Would she let me die?
I don't want to get ahead of myself.
That question's plagued with selfishness.
Lots of unfairities to the opposing team.
I've taken action not to try to control things,
even in here. Nor be controlled by things (even in here
out of my...umm, control
the magic would stop
What magic?
you mean my fuckin baseball cap?
Act as if.
pretend it's a xanax pill and pray to it
don't get ahead of today,
baby cakes
don't get a head of today
don't get a head of today
don't get ahead
love thy
baaaaabe
star light
sprinkles
twinkle twinkle
little star
how i wonder
where you are
s p r i n k l e s star light
kid a
check it my babelicious
(buum)
(bumm)
(buum buum)
my babelicious
(buum buum)
(bum)
my babelicious
...
my babelicious
(silence)
...
...
check it my babelicious she so delicious lips like turnips face like you wanna hurt this? eyes like she knows what you can't see acts like she goes with the sea
so gentle...
so gentle...
rompin an a pumpin in the rompous room
(boom boom)
the rhythm of the ocean is motion that she—
Halt!
ek!......|
Hop, ara!
but soft
peasant food
One of the dreams I had last night I saw an airplane fall out of the sky and then the explosion arisinfrom behind the trees. I checked the news today and good thing I'm not a prophet. The biggest news stories in the States today were that Diesel got in a fistfight with his son and that people couldn't play video games online because of hackers.
Bought me a baseball cap from 7-11. $10.99? No problem. I have it. What are you staring at? Oh, right, the money. Here. Fuhgeddaboudit. I can tilt it, I can wear it slightly right or full-blown left. The possibilities are endless. What is it? Oh, right, the line.
I leave the labels on it in case some hip cats beat me up for it, they can swap it for one with a style more suitable to their needs.
If the world decided to go vegetarian, I would welcome it. I have a feeling that all animals can feel pain and are aware of what they are feeling. I know I'm talking out of my depth but in this day and age I can't see any justification for —this is pretty good roast beef—for killing animals for food other than for money, for franchises, for business, for the economy. The only thing I can do is one small thing.
The thought's in my head. Not right now. They say no drastic changes in the first year. I can't even stick to my current diet right now—babe, I've been cheating, like a lot—but if in a year I'm still clear-minded...
Sunday morning, I'm going to eat some khash.
- Who this?
- It's your daddy, bitch.
- What's uppers?
- What does that even mean?
- Hey, you called me!
- What are you doing?
- Eating Kentucky Fried Chicken in my car at the park, looking at trees.
- You're eating KFC, in your car, at the park, watching trees grow?
- It's not KFC; I got it by the airport. It's still Kentucky Fried Chicken over there.
- I'm having beers on my porch; you should stop by.
- I quit drinking.
- Since when?
- I dunno, it's been like 3 or 4 days.
- No fuckin way.
- Yea, I don't mess with those sinful spirits no more.
- No fuckin way.
- That shit's whack.
- I got some Johnny Walker Double Black a client gave me.
- Hold on, I got a pamphlet (voice in distance) I'm supposed to read...in moments like...(grunting, voice coming back) While I appreciate your generous offer, I have made the courageous—
- Gentleman Jack.
- You're a loser, _____. Always have been.
- Hey maybe I should get some KFC. That sounds good.
- It's not KFC. Hey, you gotta start calling me more often. I need shit to do.
- Yea, okay. I'll call you. We'll go eat.
I don't really have much of a support system. Guy's known me all these years and tells me to become a normal drinker like him. And the thing is, he is a normal drinker. An adventurous one—I'll give him that. He can keep up; but at the end, he'll stop and go home. And if he's far from home, he'll run home. He's too cheap to pay for a cab. But if you get him really drunk, he's more open to buying drinks.
gnawing on the edge of the table
Ever since I got sober, I stopped biting my nails. I'm not sure what to do with them. Are men allowed to clip their nails? I'm amazed at how fast dirt amasses underneath. Now I can start fingerpicking again, you know, the banjo. I'll have to keep my nails in shape by filing them. But the sound and texture of the nail-grinder on my nails gives me shivers like when someone folds a paper too vehemently. It makes me scream like my head's about to burst and my skin's going to rip.
I'm coming down with something. I rarely get sick. My stomach hurts, my sides, my back, my heads. I shiver and sweat. Maybe sime kind of stomach flu, or ebola. Maybe it's too late. Maybe I'm metamorphosing. Babe, whatever shape I may take tomorrow, know that I love you, and, don't worry, I'll still be able to have sex with you.
I wrote a punk rock-rap song for you, my love:
My sideness, it's a hurt's nest
My sideness, it's a hurt's nest.
My babeness, she's a cute's nest
My babeness, she's a cute's nest
She's a cuteness monster!
oh yea
She's a cuteness monster!
oh yea
Tell em Brotha Flava,
Yo, it's yo boy
coming at you
like the grillz of a Cadilac
My Babelicious,
she so delicious,
lips like turnips
I want to eat your face,
I want to eat yo face!
ugh!
...bitch!
She's a cuteness monster!
oh yea
She's a cuteness monster!
oh yea
- I spend too much money, Rocko.
- What? What are you talkin' about, Paulie? Spend too much money? You spend too much money... (chuckling)
- Look at this, $6.49. $6.49 for a freakin TV dinner. All the other ones are $3.99.
- What are you talkin' about, $6.99 (chuckles)...
- They must have known I was coming. These jerks—my favorite meal.
- Let me see... Well, there's your answer Paulie.
- What? What are you talkin' about?
- Gee, Paulie, I didn't know you were such a hipster.
- What? What are you talking about?
- Sautéed kale, mashed cauliflower, spaghetti and beetballs? It's all organic.
- So? I eat organic.
- You may drink organic, but I ain't ever seen you eat no beetballs. (chuckles)
- What are you trying to say, Rocko? You think you're better than me? You no-good sonuvabitch. I'm cultured—I'll knock your teeth out. Where were you when I found you?
- You been drinking Adrian's perfumes again? C'mon, Paulie, you know I'm only playing with you.
- Well, some times I don't know. I'm a bit sensitive about these things.
- Hey, Paulie, maybe I should start eating some of these too. I've been hit in the head so many times, the old brain ain't what it used to be, you know?
- It's good for you, Rocko. Keep you sharp.
- Maybe I should get some for Adrian; she might get excited.
- She don't need it. Let's go to the clearance section.
- What are you talkin' about, she don't need it, Paulie...
- Hello?
- I've prepared some topics for tomorrow, some questions we can ask—you know, to see what kind of small talk he dishes out.
- Oh God.
- Esther, listen, listen—
- Stop calling me, you pyscho.
-(silence) ... I should have been more stern with you.
- We never dated. We never will. You're a freakin lunatic!
- I should have never allowed you to work. I forbid it. It's that Gene and Gilroy. I wouldn't put it past you to—
(click)
bastardo!
Paul Smith socks cost like 40 bucks each. Fuckin bastard. I might get me one for Christmas.
- Here he comes.
- Get ready for some legendary chit-chat.
- Get into position everybody!
- Should I use this?
- No, he's too witty; you're better off just recording him.
- Hey asshole, mind your own business... What have you been telling him, Esther?
- He said, recording him. We weren't—
- Here he comes!
- (guy entering store in the middle of a conversation) ...So I says to her, Are you his nurse? Oh, great. Where's the cafeteria? I'm starving. ... Hey guys! How are you? ...That's good to hear... About the same...Whatcha' got there? ....A salad, huh? What happened, you went to the doctor?
- Did you get that, Gilroy?
- All of it, Gene.
- (Guy continues talking) What are these, samples? ... White chocolate? Hey, do I still have to pay the same price if I ate it in the store?
- Esther, can we talk?
- Will you leave me—
- Quiet, you two!
- (Guy continues talking)...Sounds about right: one iced coffee, one tuna sandwich, and a Slim Jim wrapper. I'm not going to lie to you though, I think someone ate the Slim Jim.
- You getting that, Gene?
- All of it.
Must be an accident. This freeway's always open. Hotbed for speedtraps. Must be a good one, cause it feels like everyone's getting their look. I argued with the guy in the booth but I didn't want to embarass my girlfriend; she really wants to see it. In the end they decide the prices.
Want to know what it was? A young man with a small hatchback—he had free light brown hair but was balding too soon—had run out of gas on the side of the road. A tough, obese Latino man from Triple AAA was pouring fuel into the tank while a police officer was sternly overseeing the process. The Latino man wiped the driblets of sweat from the folds underneath his head, but that's nothing, because doing what he does, you need eyes on the back of your head.
Bale just scored too
We look good. Real Madrid's winning. Better get to work. Ancelotti sometimes looks like he's not even paying attention.
some drawings i've been working on
alien baby
redwood
Texas
(this one's experimental)
Plane over Brussels
Erased a trigger. At least it's a good way of looking at things
- Did you get the Quest bar from here?
- Yea.
- Oh it's expensive here.
- How much?
- $2.
- ...yea, okay.
- So the total is $12.95.
- (stuffing pockets) Umhmm...
- That okay?
- Yea, whatever. Here, you need singles right?
- It's okay.
- Ok... Wait. Let me see my receipt.
- Receipt?
- Ok, the diet coke and advil—that's two dollars.
- No, $2.50.
- OK fine. The Quest...
- That's $4.50.
- Oh, the bar is $4.50?
- No, we're at $4.50.
- Oh, so we're at $4.50—okay. And then the cashews and raisins.
- Cranberries.
- How much?
- $3
- Okay. So we're at seven.
- And then the rest.
- What rest?
- Oh, that's it?
- Why does it say $12.95 right there?
- Oh that? That's not for you.
- Right. I gave you 13 in singles; it's right there in your hand.
- Here we go, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, and 7.
- That's $5!
- Oh right, here. Let me get you a bag, for free.
- I don't need a bag; I'm going to the movies. That shit might work on Westwood kids, but not on me.
- Oh yea?
- That's right.
- Good.
I was so paranoid a couple weeks ago, I don't what I did with my phone but any kind of app that can track my location has disappeared, even that loud-mouth Siri. I was hoping to find a theater nearby to watch The Hobbit since traffic back to town for the next couple hours is pointless, but this might be a bit time consuming.
I was like, Hey, let's go see the Hobbitt,
and I was like, Yes, let's and I was like Hey wait for me, guys
Bought a new beanie today. Seven dollars on sale—no big deal. The first time I put it on, I thought, This isn't me. It can't work; there's no way. Pinche huevos, what was I thinking? Then I noticed someone had folded the top on a similar one, so I thought, What if I fold the top, like so...Oh yea, this is me. This I can definitely see working.
My heart wants a big fat burger. My heart's been getting what it wants for long enough.
...Hey, don't honk at me. I'll buy you dinner!
My heart's gonna have to work with me.
- What's that? Yes, it does tend to make me look stylish.... Maybe I will go snowboarding. Sure, it's not cashmere, but I can wear it in the rain, like last Thursday night, during the flash flood when I had those nightmarish dreams... You're still not getting the burger.
ring ring
- Hello?
- ... hi.
- ...Who is this?
- It's _____.
- ...babe?
- Hi.
- Is it really you? How do I know it's you? Wait, say the rain in spain falls mainly on the plain.
- What? Why?
- So I know someone's not playing a nasty trick.
- What? Who would do that?
- That's what I'm trying to figure out. Guess I've stayed up too long. I better get going. Bye.
(Click)
- (Babe) What the hell, man!?
Commence Operation Keep Us to Love Allow Us to Live
Initiate Legendary Diet
Rigorous Exercise
Objective: Sexy
SYSTEM INCONGROUS!
SYSTEM INCONGROUS!
SYSTEM INCONGROUS!
Okay, okay...
Modification: Reasonable Diet
Objective: Suitable
Modification: Reasonable Exercise
Objective: German Efficiency
SYSTEM OVERLOAD!
SYSTEM OVERLOAD!
SYSTEM OVERLOAD!
Stupid thing... arrgh!
Sure ill give him or her his money back. Now im curious to go back and find out why. It better be nusiness. Cause if they get personal i might get witty and indult them, or. cry and see if they know a good shrink. an objective one who knows his stuff, or her. no, better be a him.
- but that's boring! two guys in a room? why are we not drinking? yea i could see myself getting drunk with my shrink.
WTF! You gotta wonder what stuff this guy did that remains unknown in his life
EASTON, Pa. (AP) — Necrophilia motivated a man to fatally shoot his stepdaughter last month, according to a Pennsylvania prosecutor.
Gregory Graf recorded himself sexually abusing the body of Jessica Padgett, Northampton County District Attorney John Morganelli said Friday. The video was discovered a day earlier on Graf's computer, the prosecutor said.
Padgett, 33, was last seen alive on Nov. 21, when she left work at a day care center. Graf was arrested five days later after police found her body buried behind a shed on the property where he lives with Padgett's mother.
Graf, 53, is being held without bail on a homicide charge. The fencing company owner confessed to killing Padgett, a recently married mother of three, according to Morganelli.
The victim's family said in a statement last month that Padgett "was a beautiful, vibrant young woman who was beloved by her family and friends. The world shines less bright today."
Graf applied for a public defender, saying in court Friday that he didn't want to burden his family financially. A judge turned him down, ruling he had enough money to pay for his own defense.
Morganelli said Graf will be charged with abuse of a corpse.
Such a good mood today
Even with the sun, hungover as fook—that's what an Asian Massage Parlour says when she gets audited.
Full of great jokes. I'm sending out good vibes to people, I'm sure of it.
No more, Jimi...no more
cause the bloody thing is the bloody thing and the bloody thing is the bloody thing
there's Dostoevsky and there's the Sopranos
- Why do they call us Leotardo, Uncle Phil?
- Because they're stupid, that's why.
I don't think i'm making this up, but back in days movie channels wouls show for a few minutes and would get scrambled unless you ordered the movie. I knew there was sex in this movie.
I like it now. Elizabeth Shue's not very sexual in it to me.
The financing—it's Finnegan's Wake to me. I'm still trying to find a way in. This should only take a few minutes. I just shot them numbers, but the days are a blur. The truth is in there too, I just gotta find that.
this city, the traffic, if i start and end on time it's two hours of nothing from 4-7, when i could be working, you know? I want to eat salads, too. If anything, I'm a hero
hearing lots of good music on the radio today. its doing wonders to me. pat benatar, zz top, new order, cyndy laupier, the police—well them, two songs we don't listen to, the third its comical at this point
oh yea, lots of great nowhere talk boiling up tonight. one more stop to make—and you sly dirty dog you, you did it again and it's smooth wailing from there. manual writing's not working anymore. dangerous too. soon ill just be dictating
...the scorpians....more like...yea!
- I'm giving it to you...I'm—yea, I'm giving it to you so good you'll be on Welfare soon...You'll be the talk of the wives—the neighbors...that's right, my love...because they're so jealous of what you're riding in on....a spaceship...it wasn't staged, you were there, baby...,.do you want to try something new... Look at me! Do you want to try something new?
- (takes out chopsticks from middle drawer) ...I was feeling adventurous...
but there was no catfish without curry, so I got the spicy thai seafood—baby...ah, baby! Come on, you like Seinfeld—baby, you know it's my eating day. Come on, I made them give us extra containers of jalapeno juice. Hey man, you know the first time I kissed you I went crazy for you even with your cigarette breath? Yea, that's what I thought...now do you want the squid or the mussclrs?
Ok. Guess I do need your lovin. What am I without love? I took 2 that one time after we did Committee of the Crazied, but that was more drastic. That knocked me out right quick. At one point I was talking to people in the supermarket then opened my eyes and was still alone. Then I have no memory, so I assume smooth sailing.
One will do, baby.
Here's how.
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