This can't go on.  That's what, that 's what I've been saying—this whole time, all these years.  I mean it as much now...only before—and this I'm thinking of a few years back—that in these states, I would chide myself for wasting my time.  All of it was one complete waste of time, see, and there were no little parts or spaces in it that were anything else, and I was essentially wasting time.

But now I think it's deeper than indulging.    It covers up the whole word.  There'sno connotation.     If I was baffled before, I'm not.  

I've become it.