lobotomy!

nick drake

1. things behind the sun
2. one of these things first
3. hazey jane 2
4. been smoking too long
5. fruit tree or black eyed doggy

Not, Sure

a joke i heard at driving education

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks, but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, "Hey, I've got an idea - we put our money together and buy a hot dog."

The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, "What the hell? I don't want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!"

The first says, "I know. We buy the hot dog, stick it down the front of my pants, go into a bar and order our drinks. When the bartender tells us the price, you drop to your knees and suck the hot dog like you're sucking my dick - and the bartender will throw us out and we won't have to pay for nothing!"

The second drunk says, "Well, it sounds like a good enough idea to me."

So they buy the hot dog and the first drunk sticks it down his pants. They go into a bar, order two whiskeys, and when the bartender tells them the price, the second drunk drops to his knees and sucks on the hot dog. The bartender throws them out and tells them not to come back.

The drunks go on to hit 19 bars. Finally, the second drunk says, "We've got to switch places 'cause my knees hurt from dropping to the floor."

The first drunk says, "You think that's bad? I lost the hot dog in the third bar!"

I'd..rather...walk... alone!

I haven't seen any celebrities in a while.  I wanna see a celebrity.  Last one I saw I think was David Beckham.  He was driving his Rolls Royce and texting.

I go, "Hey Beckham, don't you know the law?  You can't drive and text, you bloody wanker!"

He goes, "Right!  Oy! You scouser!"

"I'll give you some bangers and mash!"

We go at it,

POW!

I'm giving it to him,

BANG!

 he's getting some shots in,

ZORB!

he opens his trunk and gets his cleets and goes for my face.

ZERP!

I push him off, I try to kick him but her runs back to his car and I only get him in the butt

ZOINK!

He has some thing in his hands, i look at him like a goalie,  he throws a bottle of Armani Diamonds at me

WONK!

I block the shot, he starts choking me with sexy Armani underwear...

BLURB!

"What are you, contractly obligated?" I manage to get out

I gots to take a mad shit,
The kind of shit
all other shits
call a psychopath.
I've kept it in all day,
to keep it more intense.

I spoke to an old Hindu woman,
She told me of a beggar
who called her Mama and asked for change.
She told him,
"If I'm Mama and you're 27,
get a job and take care of me."
She held out her hand and he ran away.
She made me laugh,
but I had to balance on one leg.

She told me she wanted sweets with her coffee,
but she wasn't allowed,
I said, I see, and bit my lip.
Her husband worked out all his life,
ate healthy, and died of a blood vessel two months ago.
She found him dead on the ground.
So now she eats all the sweets.

She almost made me cry
cause there was pain and anger in her eyes,
I held her head and said,
"Lady, I gots to take a shit!"

Kind of an uneventful day.  Wore my Satan Rules t-shirt.  Ordered a latte.  Bought some cantelopes at  the grocery store.  Spoke to a teller sbout some overdraft fees.  Bought a pastrami sandwich for dinner.  Complained about the mustard selection.

" ...im always coming back home to you"

nina simone

"oh sinnerman
where you gonna run to?
oh sinnerman
where you gonna run to?

oh sinnerman

where you gonna run to?

oh sinnerman

where you gonna run to?

...i says Rock

whats a matter with you Rock?

Don't you see I need you Rock?"