eatkhash in court

This is so boring.  Not a looker in the bunch.  I never wanted a beer and a waterbed more in my life.

sing, my white aghavni

My blanket was on the bathroom floor.  It had a good amount on it.  What's a good amount?  It was on it.  I threw it in the shit-filled water hoping to clean it.  There were clumps on the outside of the tub, and a fresh one, the size of a tree trunk, sitting on the edge.  There was shit all over the place.

This time I wanted to take a bath, but the water was full of it

I had a disgusting dream last night I didn't remember till now.  I had my feces in a cup , and I had to take sips of it.  And when I couldn't take it anymore, I was speaking to an older man and he asked if I was really drinking that?  I responded that I thought that's what I was supposed to do with it.

He looked grossed out and I asked, did you ever drink it?  He thought quickly and said I think three or four times.  The sick part is that quick sensation in which I feel like I tasted it.

Really gross.  It was in a tall paper cup, liquidy.

I walked out the door,
the sun was in my eye,
so I started kicking into the air.

My last tool for rebellion,
 against this meaningless,
meaningless existence.

I laid out my clothes for the week

I showered and brushed my teeth.

I felt triumphant on the eve

and let the sound of the TV ring,

good willed jibber jabber and zingers.

Finally, my feet were bare and my bed was clean,

I turned the light off

and nestled underneath the sheets.

I sighed and smiled and awaited,

I snickered at jokes I anticipated telling her.

I laughed aloud and slightly felt embarrassed.

I shuffled my feet

and the room became clear,

i somehow bit my finger,

sat up and looked at myself in the mirror.

Sleep wouldn't come

 I wrestled with the thoughts,

were my clothes right?

were my jokes contrived?

If I could catch her

and carry her books

then i would have her

for that day

the vaselines

you think you're a man
but you're only a boy
you think you're a man
but you're only a toy
you think you're a man
but you just couldn't see
you weren't man enough
to satisfy me

If I could, with promises to keep
If I could, with someone waiting for me

In a flat by ourselves,
the morning air crisp and clean,
the day awaits

Rise, my love,
Rise!
I'm in a rush,
to tell you!

If you're saving all these up to blackmail me, go right ahead, it's not like im running for public office. And when i do, I'll be sure to include all my rants in my speeches.  Get a life, you miserable insects.

im pumping myself up through inspirational documentaries about dead athletes

I only took two sips and I feel it.  I think my brain is just welcoming it.I haven't eaten for two days,  nor slept but for an hour, and the whole time I was having a conversation with a man in and out of my sleep,  i was trying to convince him of something and shuffling my feet.  I can't recall the topic but it wasn't anything abrasive, and each time i felt the blanket cover my whole being, i thought he understood, and that I understood.  Funnily, i got up for work.

My favorite NBA moments have been - i love lists, i dont really watch much basketball but documentaries -

3. Game 6 of the Bulls-Suns final in 93, that three way pass at the end to John Paxton.  BJ Armstrong was on that team.  He was short, he looked good shooting threes from the corner.  My favorite players during those years were Alonso Mourning, Anferne Hardaway, and Grant Hill.  When you're a kid you just pick players to support so you can wear their jersey.  It has to do with the color of their jerseys, something really irrational about some slight look about the individual, and their basketball cards.  I later felt a bit disappointed about the path of their careers, whether through injuries...  Daryl Strawberry came to our class during DARE.  He told us not to do drugs.

2.  Reggie Miller's two three pointers against the Knick's in Game 1 of one of their conference (only in america) finals.  It's one of those moments that you like replay over again, and each time imagine or feel what each person in there and in the world felt at that moment.  Im not a Barca fan, but this is what I love about the moment Iniesta scored against Chelsea in the 1-1 semi final against Chelsea a few years back.  He took his shirt off, waving it to the roar of broken hearts and joy, but he still had on a yellow undershirt. He's small, it wouldn't be fitting if he ripped it off.

1.  Robert Horry.  Against the Sacramento Kings.  Need I say more?   Ok, the final shot, the final second, the ball just amiably bounces to him like my doggy, when everyone else is in a hapless war.  He kept himself dignified after the moment, like an awkward statue of a battle hero.  I would have exploded at that moment.  I did, i jumped out of my seat in a dark room.

My favorite sports moment though, was Zidane's volley against Leverkusen, 2002 Champions League Final

Im going to play in a real official tournament tomorrow.  It'll be my biggest field yet, I just hope Im not the first one out.  I earned my seat through our weekly games.  If I cash, we all cash.  If I drink, I won't last, if I don't everyone will see me wagging my tail.  A couple of our guys are doing bigger tournaments.  The cream rose to the top as it should have.

I guess deleting is not deleting on the internet.  That's not really fair.  I thought I was safe here. That's a lot of ugliness I throw out there.  I don't stand by them,  but they come out somehow.  That's a lot of exposure.  I didn't realize.  

onbrownpaperbag

What if they found you, naked
in the hole you've been hiding?
You wouldn't say anything.

All the stars in the sky,
and you didn't reach for one.
All the branches of a tree,
and you couldn't cling to one.

Washed up before beginning,
giving away your crumbs.

You crept, not back
but into the shadows.
No one hears from you.
You eat or drink or piss or fuck
to pass the time.
You seemed to have stopped caring.

The city's all flash and no substance.
The women are on the prowl.
Immerse yourself into a role
you once only planned to play -
you lose yourself in it everyday.
The city and you are the same.

The room gets quiet every night.
The music's over,
and the sensations have gone.
Self absorption gets you
a public access station.
Whiskey comes stiff and early
in the morning;
It dulls your bleary mind,
as you broadcast your daily special.

Some Xanax,
Some Xanax
Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Some Xanax,

Some Xanax

Some Xanax like it's water

Track 2 by the Suicidal Squirrels

always, the droning
the droning of droves

now you can see me
now you can don't

sometimes, im moving
and sometimes im slow

now can you see me now?


(now we'll do some powerchords and fireworks and ill jump in a leotard)

Guy thinks he's so cool cause he's in a band.  How hard is it to write a song

just strum Am G Em:

burnin bridges left and right
dancin in my undies
in the middle of the night

with ma doggies
with ma doggies,

mama let me go

mama  let  me  go