Now that Real has Chicharito, faggedabdid!

That goes with the Asian beef donut shop post.  I can't believe I forgot that.  So much beauty in it.  It's too much to go back.  It's all too much, man!

- Lover?

- Yes, my 2mg?

- You promised me certain things when you convinced me to marry you...

- ...your mother-in-law...

-  Don't try that shit with me, man!  I'll...

guys i gotta go, she's turning me on

The heart wants what it wants—ah , you said it Selena Gomez. Leonard Cohen? Bah! Sorry my lovable 2mgs

Honestly, I'm not in a bad mood tonight. I just happen to be sitting at a bus stop getting my refuel on.  What Im more concerned about was that i discovered that there is such a thing as butter toffee cashews.  I saw peanuts, I've had honey cashews—oh yea, I had them when she was good—and so there are.  But it's like eating rocks.  Either they're old or my teeth...yea don't sit at a bus stop where people might recognize you.

"Jeez, this is kind of embarassing—ah man, there's more people in the backseat?"

My heart  wanted Vietbamse or Thai

I'll fuckin eat this whole city

I was standing there debating lf a man can get a king's meal for 20 bucks, like shit he—you ever see that doc about the guy from the Fugesss i think who goes undercover homeless, but he slends it all at a fancy restaurant?  Lots of criticism.  These fuckin Indians closed the door on me—everyone's homeless to them.  Pamphlet said a bush:

I got someone at nights.  She's called XanaX.

Oh man, I just saw the inside of an S550.  Guy had pulled over.  His baby was crying. All the doors were open.  So I stuck my head in the cabin—blue lights everywhere ambience up the ass.  I hope im alive in 200 years so I can shrug.  Yea, well my bzbe had class, why do you think she got with me?  I think im broke.  Yea, I got a guy.  My personal ATM.  Im in the NMOB.  .  I threaten him.  I'll shed your skin.  If that deposit isn't made, I'll sit on your wife.  I'll throw your son over the basketball hoop.  Oh no, he goes—He's fuckin with me.  I know he's eating Bird's Milk from that new fancybakery. 

Oh yea, guy's arguing with his wife on the phone, I can hear over the 

wall, "You can...the christmas gifts...I'm done!"  Maybe his girlfriend.  I cut the smile once he walked in.  It was him.  I'd be due for one on the nose for being a voyeur.

It's changing colors.  Is this shit gonna get bunk on me and end up costing me another 8 bucks for the 99 cents, ah! it's in the title "Les Disposibles."

No man, look—I mean, check it!  It's a window.  It's a strip of a window, so you can see the amount you're pouring in.  These guys are adorable!

For a $1.75, you fed me well—I told you Blogger's been fuckin with me, they're gelus, obviously—Del Taco, with my bag of pork rinds and a water cup for sprite—of course, in the camera it looks clear so they can't be blamed.  After the meal I wanted to get up and thank them after fuckin IHOP.

thought id do a real quick scouting mission for something

Fuck that, Nothing Good ever comes Out of Glendale.  I don't know what I was thinking.  Lemon, Out!

This disposable flask is doing wonders for me.  Cause....it's indisposable!  At 99 cents, I should have bought like 6 of these. I've been recommending it to people.

" Bar looks boring? Can't find an angle to butt in without inflating your bartab?  Barkeep not laughing at your jokes?  That soulless shot?  Doesn't he or she know who you is?  And you'll probably have to tip for that, too?  You're pathetic!

Fear no longer, my friend.  I have something for you.  Don't look yet...ok, look now.  Oh yea.  Yea, you see it.  The possibilities are endless.  Drink in the alley, my friend.  Take your—eat food with that money...Shit, drink in the produce department with that money.  Faggedabudid.  Hey, I can get you like six more of these.... Oh yea, I think I have a pamphlet somewhere—well, we recommend going in the bushes when no one's looking.  "

- Chuck Hagel stepped down, huh?

- What?

- Chuck Hagel stepped down, huh?

- Oh yea, it was unexpected. 

- Mmm yea,

- Just this?

- You got any cashews?  

- Yea, right there?

- King Henry?  Not a fan.  Packaging is impersonal.

- And we have some over—

- Just the Fantasy 5.  I'll be around.

The first bus driver I liked, cause he gave me a look after I asked him for directions certain and once he explained and I got a couple pretentious jokes in,  Nothing Good ever comes out of Highland Park! Nope no appaulse, and he realized you just wasted your money for driving down the block.  

The second driver, not so much.  I put in two dollar bills and he said "Thank You."  I tried to mutter something he said No. He's jaded.

I got the wedding invite.  I was trying to ignore him for the last couple weeks.  Usually I get excited if ____ wants to do something.  I tried to tip-toe for a moment—i had to think this out—he goes "Don't pull an Artin on me."  To my defense, I was fresh off a binge.    What do these guys know about my binge?  He thinks I didn't go cause I would rather go get fucked up somewhere else.  That and because we had talked before about how once he got a girlfriend, that was it.  Me and him were close, or at least I thought we were, then he got his girl—i get it, he was a fat curly haired philosophy major who liked country music and drove a cool cop car—I just wasted $1.75 not planning my route— He was the smartest guy we had.  I can recall him driving me around while I got drunk after they got close at the Big Bear retreat, or hanging out much after that—this asian lady missing teeth is singing next me.  Im not going to take a picture.  Too much class.  Not a hipster.  I thought she was on a blue tooth or disgruntled.  Nope, just singing...ona popo, ona popo, ona popo.  Too much class—I'll transcribe it.  So I didn't say anything about it for two years, suffered in silence i did, ona popo you know?  Then in a drunken fb message i ranted one night, "don't you ever feel bad that you ignored all your friends?"

He replied, "the only one i ever felt bad about was you."  I guess that nice.  It was never the same again.  I would have still gone to his wedding.  We were still close.  I had my own issues.

But the fact remains, dear reader—say, do you have a quarter?—I didn't go.  I didn't call afterwards.  

I could have used a good lawyer.  He prolly wouldn't have charged me.  Obviously I would have gotten offended.

I've had that Katy Perry songCalifornia Gurls in my head for the last couple days, you know "california gurls, we're unforgettable, bikinis on top". I was singing it at the bar last night sometimes.  It stems from something ungood.  Where whatever i heard at the time would probably be in my head for awhile.

I went in for an umbrella.  Walked out with 8 quarters.  Not much money for the Umbrella Guy in LA

Isco got red carded yesterday?  Why would the ref do that?  Isco's a sweetheart.

Weird not using the internet.  I wonder how my beloved team is doing.  They might be playing.  I better check.  Sports isn't a trigger.

Maybe I'll get really drunk and go to one of those old people diners that's packed in the mornings.  Always wanted to see what the big deal was.  Those people are the staring type I imagine.  I'll kick all their asses. _____ would prolly want to go.  He's prolly on an 8-hour hike.  Bigvweirdo.  I'm not exaggerating.  He runs too.  Eats like a pig with his fuckin horsemouth and Tom Cruise smile.  No wonder he thinks Tom Cruise is so cool—that and cause he met him.  Every celebrity you meet becomes your favorite.  This one time hevtexts me that he went on an 8-hour hike that day.  I ignored him for a few days.

Really?  I couldn't even get up this early for work.  Fuckin great.  Now I gotta hear myself think all day.

Cut all ties with the internet.

Steamed  vegatables as an essential routine.  I think the latter is doable.  Like how I've been tinkering that my mind has become a TV, I've been...I...I don't think, I don't oppose the steamed 

- Take the fuckin Xanax, please.

- ummm, no. No, ummm no

-You left your calling card and everthing...

- Now remember... We'rr the Wet Bandits

- ....Shut Up!

i have a poem in here like this, from some time back.  one stanza, one line or two in particular—ok, a part of it...it's perfect.  I can't do better.  I mean I can't make make it beautiful (anymore than mr. Burns with spots) Bit the first few lines, have always felt like IHOP.  it's weak as a whole, but it's rotten anyway.  how do you make it beautiful?

...from some time back...well i've done more field research

(annotated - * crushed like) 

ill feed off the moment

I'm a Shakespearean character, te one in Mid-Summernight's dream.

Tony's when he tries to repeat Dr. Melfi's words

I'm a Czechloslavakian interior decorator.

ah, I think she just gave me Sexy look #3

that's when you glance to the newspaper clippings on the back wall, of historic Green Bay—how can I be more colloquial or patronizing with this, famous ...Cheesehead wins— and lazily on your way back the ebrut eyebrow, like a broken elbow—girls always do the ebrupt eyebrow— like i don't need a fluffer! she goes.  Well, yea, shit yea she did, it's in the by-lines.  We don't get up every third Saturday at 9 to mert at that fuckin coffee shop in Pasadena—God, I don't know how MisaK finds these obscure places-cop ahead blow me its out of my system most he can do is fancy walking...ok that did not need to be said. It's just hubris, officet , overextenuating hyperbola—It's just that, I was never good at math, flipping numbers in my head. No, wait a minute! Just wait!  This one time I got caught cheating, and instead of flunking me she gave me summer school—No, wait! That summer I started plugging the numbers plugging the numbers into the formulas! Yea but when this is all over you'll let me go right?    ...Well, I guess you should take me in.  ...I  am rotten.  Am I a rebel?  Ground-breaking?  Photogenic?  Well, you be judge, officer.  ...I have killed a million people.  I used to steal things in elementary.  10 Superstar cards and you get a prize—so I erased Marina's name with a pencil from her cards and wrote mine, but I got caught.  Marina was proper and traditional and reminded me of my mom.  I used to tease her and the worst I got out of her was, "You and your damn family, too!"  I remember, she stuttered cause, she didn't know how to cuss.  Adam's dinosaurs after show-n-tell.  We sat opposite the table each other, and during classwork I thought I was being sly tying my shoe, but I look up and he's looking at me going through his toy bag.  Oh yea, and then the school fundraiser.  I didn't know the language, so when my parents asked how I came home with these things I said it was on sale.  But , that feels like 5 hours ago I digressed

- But baby, I go.  I pushed my way to her.  I said, Baby, don't give me the stare number three.  Sure it's subtle, who expects three after two?  But I just discovered I'm a boy.  It was a long time coming, but sooner or never, feel me?   I'm not like other men

-it's subtle because after 2, nobody expects three 

my recovery plan was to write a simple story, cause i was gonna run back here anyway, so it was to be a story about a guy who is not me and he just does things.  like...well, he does things, for example. The first line was  "Clarence had made a date with a friend to see a movie."  I don't know, perhaps maybe later that evening.  

See, and things would happen.  It would be devoid of me or getting me involved.  That would be my resemption, and i would later become this master at mechanical storywriting...grad students would keep themselves busy dissecting it.  Well, yea, i've thought about it—what if I'min the high school canon?  Well, that's ok, i guess, No sex with the grad students, but i mean he wrote Crime and Punishment before he did Brothers or Demons

I was going to complement myself some more and guise it as despair but then I had to cross the street in front of cars—so I whole tornado of stranglings I had to grapple—I was goong to be wrestling with them the whole time—i was fine at first, I hit the button once and stepped back.  No harm there, I had made my point.  This llets people know I'm patient, mostly likely composed, and civilized—civilized becuse you have to have been living among cavemen if after all these years you think more than one push will make a difference, and I've seen them, people pounding away at that thing like it's just them two without the camera or the guy that jerks you off in between changing film.   That's an irrational act.  So I paced a bit—why not?  I had bought myself some time—Then I ran into the pole and heard the bing again, but I kind of let them know, that it was never my intention.  I've been around the block.  I'm not circling the block, believe me guys!  It's different this—well what do y

No, this is not the direction I had in mind for it.  It's this bar.  The band.  They're too loud it's too open, I lost it.  I'm the last cliche,  I've yet to find my bar from The Iceman Cometh or Cheers—or how bout those bars that are strictly for players in the underworld, where an innocuous exchange between a patron and the bartender means that a series of big players have already nonchantly went out of their way to add another count ofConspiracy just byvouching for—ok, this is not going, I want to be vouched for...that's funny how in S.1 or 2 of the Wire, McNultty goes, "I can vouch for him, brother" to the FBI guy.  Cause that's not his lingo, you know.? 

ah, fuck it, the gist of it was i was going to to plead to the cars with my stickypad, like go back and forth taking ideas about what to do with my gestures—it was funny...it was....whatever, you wouldn't know funny if it was mullberry that landed on you with all the other other mulberries, well i got news foe you: it was a mullberry tree you wede under!

i made such a fuss about thanksgiving dinner, sabatoged myself again, eh whatever

The being sychzo for a day thing is new to me.  Towards the afternoon I've had enough.

One Hour Photo is on.  good movie, good soundtrack.

a little notepad.  in case i get brave.   snaek it out and sneak it in.  i guess im exaggerating.  you know how there's things that people shouldn't ever be exposed to?  I guess the insecurity is more like that.   Ill prolly lose it with the cashmere, the notepad, more like stickypad— 

that's W-E-T...

-Shut up!

- We're the Wet Bandits

o left my xanxx at home.  Thats ok.  ivno longet find it towards reac use.  

i left my flask.  

-  lets go back

- (hmm, i didn't reach sychzo point this time.)

o left my xanxx at home.  Thats ok.  ivno longet find it towards reac use.  

i left my flask.  

-  lets go back

- (hmm, i didn't reach sychzo point this time.)

it's cold and windy.  i love it  can wear my  cashmere

im the last cliche left at the bars.  ive yet to find another.

sometimes i'll just sit there and think about how great i am.  i'll repeat my own jokes and laugh like i just heard them.  

robots could be programmed to think like me.  they could.  

it's all down there

the sensation of a detail, the ecstasy

nothing matters but to feed off it

im no serious writer. it's a wasteland.  a pretty word for garbage that's hacknyed. i just can't contain myself

look at the way i eat.  

everything is so i can get what i want

i am special.  im a special case.

flabbergasted, maybe, always, but it won't matter

i'll just eat it.

im not even ashamed.

im a little boy.  no gerlttingcaround it.  can't even comparecmyswlf to others.

im mord of a boy now, than when i was a boy—ok, that last line i went back and fixed the mistypes

i don't think they've thought it through, with flasks.  If you need a flask then it's also impossibke to poyr irvib. CSee, these arn'tv typos for dramatic effect.

then i should it first drink it inatead of this.  Yes, i didn't think

The xanax helped today i think but can't tell. I didn't abuse it.  Guess its not one of my poisons anymore.

Gvgf

ph yea, Fleetwood Mac

Dreams

Bvvc