This fuckin guy, he makes no effort to reciprocate.  I walked by his booth a few times and sighed.  He didn't nod, not even a few sympathetic smiles.  I mean, who the hell does he think he is?  He adds no jokes of his own to the environment—I can't even tell what article he's reading.  I better stick around and see what kind of tip he leaves.

My tipping method is polished.  Just as I'm stiffing the waitress, I ask her if that's a good amount.  What's she gonna say? No?  I'll call the manager and get her ass fired.  Then I'll ask for some comps.