This one time, I'm trying to get my high on, and there's a fucking racoon outside my window—not a little possum baby, but a full weight racoon—staring at me

So I scare him off then meet him in the backyard and we're both more afraid of each other than the other knows and we're both karate kicking in the air.... So we both kinda back into our holes

I'm not gonna hurt the little bastard unless he goes after my dogs