- If there's an itching in my right ankle, it means she wants to make love tonight.  If I discover that itching is from a mosquito bite, she's trying to convey that she has a 20-minute break and it's up to me to get there in time.

- If I encounter a heavy set blond white woman, 37-54 years of age, my babe wants me to hop in the shower and run back to bed because she loves the scent of my body wash.  To indicate my compliance, I whisper the word, "Bourgeoisie  Pig" to the woman.

- If there's a ringing in my ear, she's melancholy, and I close my eyes.

- A sharp pain in my right temple means she can't find her cell phone, so I press it to indicate to her where she last left it, my love.

- If I'm sweating too much in room temperature, she is checking her e-mail.  However, If I'm sweating profusely in an air-conditioned room, she is alarmed, and may have accidentally flagged a work e-mail as junk or used her work e-mail for a personal correspondence.  

- If I short sun-burned migrant worker holds the door open for me as he passes, she wants to send me a kiss, so I reply by running my fingers down his back.

- When I am in the hospital and the doctor comes in with a clipboard, she just got back from the gym.

- A black kid trying to sell me his demo tape means she thinks we should see other people and I start crying.

- A pain in my right side simply means she is thinking of me.