Chelsea's going to keep me up all night.  It's her ear again.  One of them is really red.  I'm not sure what to do.  I wish there was some sleeper hold you could use on dogs.  Or, like, if I could punch her face hard enough to knock her out but not kill or hurt her.  Maybe blow some weed in her face to numb the pain, if I had some.  Maybe say I gotta go to the bathroom—she won't get offended—then sleep in the bathroom.

She's such a mop dog.  Always lying on the floors.  Very unlady like. 

I don't know if I should use a Q-tip, in case it inflames the situation.  What if there's a bug in there, and I push it in even further and it makes her even more of a genius.

If I pet her all night, she forgets about the pain.

Maybe I could put some benedryl in some cheese.  Shit, I would take the benedryl to forget about her trying to scratch her ear all night.