Here comes the waterworks, took you long enough. We were really busyweren't we Gunther?

-Literally couldn't spare a moment.

-Very good, Sir.

Oh yea, I can sense a good stable drunkenness setting in. This is the "I'll take pity on your soul" drown you out and a can of soup.  The one that starts it is the true monster.   I don't know the science behind that one.  I can't underdtand how certain phrases or gibberish or word vomit come out of me—Well, sir, technically they complete full thoughts, got the ooh and the oooohhh!  jeez, no...

- Yea, yea, we get it Guther.

- But what I'm really trying to say

- (random black guy bass voice) Tell it like it is

- (random guy holding it up his trousers) Tell it on the mountain!

- What I'm really trying to say is, alcohol is a joke.  It's almond skin.  You leave it in vinegar for a few days in a bowl big enough to wash your feet—

-(black guy bassline voice) I told you last time, I'm not putting up with listening to his gibberish all night again.

-(trouser guy, turns out he's a tall redheaded jew with cool redhead beard, who owns the club) Oh, no...no, he's getting there, I think

-(Barry) Cause they're lots of beautiful women out there who appreciate what I do.

- Yea, haven't you seen "Whacking Day?"

-(Barry) Enough with the Barry White allusions.

- (Redhead) No...no, don't worry about it Larry.

- (Barry)  It's Barry.

- With one A.

- (Barry) There it is!  ...Before you bummed out.

-(Redhead) Banging cocktail waitresses two at a time....he's worse than Freudo.

- (Barry) Nah man, he's been—

- Hey! You caught me at some bad times.

- (Barry) Bummed out...

-Yea, whatever, Barry with one A...Who Has Yet To Fall!

-(Barry). I can't fall with love.

-It's a spiritual crisis.

-(Redhead) An existential funk.  Come on Barry, let's get you out there for love and some money.

-(Barry) That'll work.

-(Redhead) Hey, have you ever seen The Wire, because my theory on why it didn't ever—

-(Barry)!Have you ever read Madame Bovary?  That's a beautiful tragedy.

(Exit Barry and Redhead)

(Monologue from the Guy, like Jean Claude Van Damme's monologue in "JCVD"")

- Oh, well you didn't have to put me up against that.  What's that you say?  He should have been nominated for an Oscar?  God, is that you?    Do you have three other candidates in mind, because I run a parlour on Sunday afternoon at that sinkhole, the Foxhole

-(Director) CUT! CUT!  It's God, you asshole.  All right, I din't want to do this anymore!  You were supposed to say—it's very simple

-Okay, okay!  You don't drink...you don't activate The Double Demons?  

- No! No!  It's more profound—it's very simple!

-I'm confused.

-You will always be a tomato!

-(thoughtful) A button?

- Look, theortically, it's sound!  ...I just gotta... gotta work on some stuff

- That two-headed Japanese wrestler from Japan?

- That's what happens when you hire a Keanu Reeves impersonator to play a random guy.