Hi all, welcome to Writing 97A with EatKhash, I'm your hostess with the mostest. Check out my jeans—any chick writers in here?  Hey, that's cool and I'm Matthew McConaughey. The older I get, the more I stay the same.  Seeing how I'm "unemployable" in their view, I thought i'd stick my finger up their butts, and impart some learnds I have acquired, free of charge, in hopes of helping you spew some of that cool attitude.

Today, I thought we'd start off with some exercises to help free your mind waves.  Hmm...I'm kind of stuck here.  See, writing is two things.  The other thing is, writing should be like flipping channels.  Your mind is a TV, see, full of commercials for products, and people advertising themselves.  A lot of people sit there and write lengthy novels or linear storylines—that's gay!  You should be flipping channels, people!  You should be creating scenes that last but one to two minutes, long enough to fill a gap in your mind till you start thinking of some product to buy, or want to buy, or have bought and now have to pay for...or food that you want to go out and buy...

Here, class, let me give you a scenario that you can work with...(winks) yea, you too...see me  after class...for extracurricular sex!  Did I say that part aloud?  I'm holding my brain like an Introductory Greek Philosophy lecturer, and I see a scenario with a father, son, mother, and Donald Trump...go!  

How do they all fit in together?  What do you see in your box?  Or for you, your lopsided box...jeez, what'd you do to your hair?  Are they all characters in the scene, with dynamic roles?  Or one of them could be a subject, or be alluded to; for example, I'm holding my brain again, son asks father why he's not rich like Donald Trump.  Work with it, mold it, put pomade in it, wrap it with a tissue and shove it up your butt—we'll see what you got after my smoke break.

(aside)

-So you got a boyfriend?

-...—

-Ah, it don't matter.

Okay, pens down.  I got my laser beams on you, Nerdilinger.  Let's see what you got.

bla bla bla, bla bla bla—Ah! I see you have the father and the son in a conversation, like let's say, over a typical breakfast table with basturma, lavash, and eggplant caviar.  And Donald Trump and the mother serve as subjects in the boy's conversation with his father.

bla bla bla, bla bla bla—(laughs) undermining little bastard, isn't he?

I like this part.  Read this part aloud—It's okay, I'll do it.  Son asks the father, "Dad, what's it mean to be wealthy?"

- Well, son, being wealthy is to have enough money, property, and assests to live comfortably everyday and be able to pay...bla bla bla, bla bla bla...and buy non-essential luxury items.

- Is Mommy wealthy?

- Well, son, she spends like she is.  But I'm no Donald Trump.

- Is he wealthy?

- Yes, he's very wealthy.  In fact—

- Well, why didn't mommy marry Donald Trump?

See that?  That's it.  Everything else you wrote is junk.  This part—slap on a punch line.  Cut to Commercial.  That's it.  I gotta pick up my ointment.  Here's my address. (winks) You, I'll see later.  Tell your parents you're studying with the girls at a cafe.