Hello, I am unable to answer the phone right now.  Please leave your message and I will get back to you shortly.  Please don't hang up without leaving a message.  Don't be shy—You go ahead and you leave that message.  I won't judge you if there is a break in your tone or a crack in your voice; I won't look upon you like a rat trapped in a cage.  Otherwise, you hang up now, it's like knocking on someone's door and walking away as he opens it.  He's likely to say, "Hey, Goober, what the dilio!"  And you'll be there awkwardly embarrassed, "Ah, shucks... Gee, Bill, I thought I'd—

Hello, thank for calling. I am away from the phone at moment.  Oh, I could be doing a number of things: I could be moving furniture, I could be caught up watching a shoplifting debate at a hair and nails accessory store, I could be buying celery sticks—You know, people tend to give celery a bad name.  Yea, I've heard 'em, they walk around giving celery all sorts of bad names.  That they're crisp, no doubt—but you know, I've tasted those thinly cut farmers market sticks, that are both crisp and refreshing.  They go well lightly with hot wings sauce, and some people like them with peanut butter, but I person— 

You have reached—Yea, hold on, The Donald... No, an important call.  I thought I made that clear... Yea, as the sun.  Very clever, Donald.  No, not the duck; I said the quail!  Because it tastes like chicken... No, I don't want the chicken—