I got a paper-cut a few days ago, maybe two weeks ago, I don't know. I can't stop thinking about it. I have a mammogram in the morning. No, an ultra-sound. It's become something somewhat disconcerting, my thoughts about my paper-cut, and the accompanying sensations it brings have begun seeping into my consciousness, as it were. I may be trying to rest or going through an unremarkable motion of my day, and I'll remember the sound and texture of someone's nails along a folded paper, next to me, over and over again. I don't know if it's the sound or texture, or something intangible I've failed to describe, but that passing thought sends a fervent shiver down my spine, and seems to wrap around my neck; and with my nerves wound tight, my head shakes like it took a one-two punch of adrenaline, if any of that makes sense. I'm not sure how to describe it. Such a sensation I believe is common and akin to how others fear the chalkboard--but lately, you see, I feel almost compelled to indulge that unpleasant sensation all too often, especially when Im lying in bed. Once my mind catches that thought, the physical repercussions inevitably follow, and I start imaging what if those sensations never cease and continually run through my body. Imagine a person next to you, your son or your sister, one day just starts screaming. At first you're annoyed by their petulance and untimely whim of spontaneity, but the screaming doesn't cease and the situation takes a sinister turn. Not knowing what to do, you might decide to take them to the emergency room. And while every patient is waiting for their turn, your patient is in the room screaming, and eventually that horrific holler starts playing upon their nerves, and your nerves, and the nurses' nerves....eh, I digress. That can't just happen, can it? I can't just start screaming one day and never stop until I'm sedated, can I?  If I don't cover my ears and make some noises in time before I experience someone folding a paper, I'm a goner, man.  A fuckin goner.

Sleep won't come. I'm hungry. I have to fast. I smoke too much.  I wish I socialized more.  I think of funny things in my head I could do.  For instance, any tim e I would leave a room, every room, I would say, "Eatkhash, out!"  And everybody would laugh and clap and hoist me above their heads--at this point they would have gathered in a crowd so I would be like bodysurfing, or crowdsurfing, as it were.